2335 lines
59 KiB
Plaintext
2335 lines
59 KiB
Plaintext
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Flying sex snakes
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Michelle Obama's arms
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German dungeon porn
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White people
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Getting so angry that you pop a boner
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Tasteful sideboob
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Praying the gay away
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Two midgets shitting into a bucket
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MechaHitler
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Being a motherfucking sorcerer
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A disappointing birthday party
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Puppies!
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A windmill full of corpses
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Guys who don't call
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Racially-biased SAT questions
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Dying
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Steven Hawking talking dirty
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Being on fire
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A lifetime of sadness
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An erection that lasts longer than four hours
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AIDS
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Same-sex ice dancing
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Glenn Beck catching his scrotum on a curtain hook
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The Rapture
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Pterodactyl eggs
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Crippling debt
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Eugenics
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Exchanging pleasantries
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Dying of dysentery
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Roofies
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Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon
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The forbidden fruit
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Republicans
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The Big Bang
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Anal beads
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Amputees
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Men
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Surprise sex!
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Kim Jong-il
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Concealing a boner
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Agriculture
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Glenn Beck being harried by a swarm of buzzards
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Making a pouty face
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A salty surprise
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The Jews
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Charisma
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YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS
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Panda sex
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Taking off your shirt
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A drive-by shooting
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Ronald Reagan
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Morgan Freeman's voice
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Breaking out into song and dance
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Jewish fraternities
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Dead babies
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Masturbation
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Hormone injections
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All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99
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Incest
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Scalping
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Soup that is too hot
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The Übermensch
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Nazis
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Tom Cruise
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Stifling a giggle at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis
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Edible underpants
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The Hustle
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A Super Soaker™ full of cat pee
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Figgy pudding
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Object permanence
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Consultants
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Intelligent design
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Nocturnal emissions
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Uppercuts
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Being marginalized
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The profoundly handicapped
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Obesity
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Chutzpah
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Unfathomable stupidity
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Repression
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Attitude
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Passable transvestites
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Party poopers
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The American Dream
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Child beauty pageants
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Puberty
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Testicular torsion
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The folly of man
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Nickelback
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Swooping
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Goats eating cans
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The KKK
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Kamikaze pilots
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Horrifying laser hair removal accidents
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Adderall™
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A look-see
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Doing the right thing
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The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge
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Lactation
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Pabst Blue Ribbon
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Powerful thighs
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Saxophone solos
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The gays
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A middle-aged man on roller skates
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A foul mouth
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The thing that electrocutes your abs
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Heteronormativity
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Cuddling
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Coat hanger abortions
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A big hoopla about nothing
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Boogers
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A hot mess
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Raptor attacks
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My collection of high-tech sex toys
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Fear itself
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Bees?
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Getting drunk on mouthwash
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Sniffing glue
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Oversized lollipops
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An icepick lobotomy
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Being rich
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Friends with benefits
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Teaching a robot to love
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Women's suffrage
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Me time
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The heart of a child
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Smallpox blankets
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The clitoris
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John Wilkes Booth
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The glass ceiling
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Sarah Palin
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Sexy pillow fights
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Yeast
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Full frontal nudity
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Parting the Red Sea
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A Bop It™
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Michael Jackson
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Team-building exercises
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Harry Potter erotica
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Authentic Mexican cuisine
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Frolicking
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Sexting
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Grandma
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Not giving a shit about the Third World
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Licking things to claim them as your own
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Genghis Khan
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The hardworking Mexican
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RoboCop
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My relationship status
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Scrubbing under the folds
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Porn Stars
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Horse meat
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Sunshine and rainbows
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Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor
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Barack Obama
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Spontaneous human combustion
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Natural selection
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Mouth herpes
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Flash flooding
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Goblins
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A monkey smoking a cigar
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Spectacular abs
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A good sniff
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Wiping her butt
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The Three-Fifths compromise
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Pedophiles
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Doin' it in the butt
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Being fabulous
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Mathletes
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Wearing underwear inside-out to avoid doing laundry
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Nipple blades
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An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist
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A bag of magic beans
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Vigorous jazz hands
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A defective condom
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Skeletor
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Vikings
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Leaving an awkward voicemail
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Teenage pregnancy
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Dead parents
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Hot cheese
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My sex life
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A mopey zoo lion
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Assless chaps
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Riding off into the sunset
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Lance Armstrong's missing testicle
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Sweet, sweet vengeance
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Genital piercings
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Keg stands
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Darth Vader
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Viagra®
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Necrophilia
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A really cool hat
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Toni Morrison's vagina
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An Oedipus complex
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The Tempur-Pedic® Swedish Sleep System™
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Preteens
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Dick fingers
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A cooler full of organs
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Shapeshifters
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The Care Bear Stare
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Erectile dysfunction
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Keanu Reeves
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The Virginia Tech Massacre
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The Underground Railroad
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The chronic
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Queefing
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Heartwarming orphans
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A thermonuclear detonation
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Cheating in the Special Olympics
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Tangled Slinkys
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A moment of silence
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Civilian casualties
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Catapults
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Sharing needles
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Ethnic cleansing
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Emotions
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Children on leashes
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Balls
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Homeless people
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Eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale
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Old-people smell
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Farting and walking away
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The inevitable heat death of the universe
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The violation of our most basic human rights
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Fingering
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The placenta
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The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr
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Leprosy
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Sperm whales
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Multiple stab wounds
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Flightless birds
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Grave robbing
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Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine®
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Oompa-Loompas
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A murder most foul
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Tentacle porn
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Daddy issues
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Bill Nye the Science Guy
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Peeing a little bit
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The miracle of childbirth
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Tweeting
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Another goddamn vampire movie
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Britney Spears at 55
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New Age music
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The Make-A-Wish® Foundation
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Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog
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Active listening
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Nicolas Cage
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72 virgins
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Stranger danger
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Hope
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A gassy antelope
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BATMAN!!!
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Chivalry
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Passing a kidney stone
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Black people
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Natalie Portman
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A mime having a stroke
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Classist undertones
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Sean Penn
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A mating display
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The Holy Bible
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Hot Pockets®
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A sad handjob
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Pulling out
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Serfdom
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Pixelated bukkake
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Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up
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Jew-fros
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Waiting 'til marriage
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Euphoria™ by Calvin Klein
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The World of Warcraft
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Lunchables™
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The Kool-Aid Man
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The Trail of Tears
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Self-loathing
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A falcon with a cap on its head
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Historically black colleges
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Not reciprocating oral sex
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Global warming
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Ghosts
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World peace
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A can of whoop-ass
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The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
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A zesty breakfast burrito
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Switching to Geico®
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Aaron Burr
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Picking up girls at the abortion clinic
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Land mines
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Former President George W. Bush
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Geese
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Mutually-assured destruction
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College
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Date rape
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Bling
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A gentle caress of the inner thigh
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A time travel paradox
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Seppuku
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Poor life choices
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Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot
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Italians
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GoGurt®
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Finger painting
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Robert Downey, Jr
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My soul
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Smegma
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Embryonic stem cells
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The South
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Christopher Walken
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Gloryholes
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Pretending to care
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Public ridicule
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A tiny horse
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Arnold Schwarzenegger
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A stray pube
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Jerking off into a pool of children's tears
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Child abuse
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Glenn Beck convulsively vomiting as a brood of crab spiders hatches in his brain and erupts from his tear ducts
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Menstruation
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A sassy black woman
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Re-gifting
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Penis envy
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A sausage festival
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Getting really high
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Drinking alone
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Too much hair gel
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Hulk Hogan
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Overcompensation
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Foreskin
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|
Free samples
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Shaquille O'Neal's acting career
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|
|
Five-Dollar Footlongs™
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|
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Whipping it out
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|
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A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis
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|
Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him)
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|
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Half-assed foreplay
|
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|
|
Dental dams
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|
|
Being a dick to children
|
|||
|
|
Famine
|
|||
|
|
Chainsaws for hands
|
|||
|
|
A gypsy curse
|
|||
|
|
AXE Body Spray
|
|||
|
|
The Force
|
|||
|
|
Explosions
|
|||
|
|
Cybernetic enhancements
|
|||
|
|
Customer service representatives
|
|||
|
|
White privilege
|
|||
|
|
Gandhi
|
|||
|
|
Road head
|
|||
|
|
God
|
|||
|
|
Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes
|
|||
|
|
8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin
|
|||
|
|
Judge Judy
|
|||
|
|
The Little Engine That Could
|
|||
|
|
Altar boys
|
|||
|
|
Mr. Clean, right behind you
|
|||
|
|
Vehicular manslaughter
|
|||
|
|
Dwarf tossing
|
|||
|
|
Friction
|
|||
|
|
Lady Gaga
|
|||
|
|
Scientology
|
|||
|
|
Justin Bieber
|
|||
|
|
A death ray
|
|||
|
|
Vigilante justice
|
|||
|
|
The Pope
|
|||
|
|
A sea of troubles
|
|||
|
|
Alcoholism
|
|||
|
|
Poor people
|
|||
|
|
A fetus
|
|||
|
|
Women in yogurt commercials
|
|||
|
|
Exactly what you'd expect
|
|||
|
|
Flesh-eating bacteria
|
|||
|
|
My genitals
|
|||
|
|
A balanced breakfast
|
|||
|
|
Dick Cheney
|
|||
|
|
Lockjaw
|
|||
|
|
Natural male enhancement
|
|||
|
|
Take-backsies
|
|||
|
|
Winking at old people
|
|||
|
|
Opposable thumbs
|
|||
|
|
Flying sex snakes
|
|||
|
|
Passive-aggressive Post-it notes
|
|||
|
|
Inappropriate yodeling
|
|||
|
|
Golden showers
|
|||
|
|
Racism
|
|||
|
|
Copping a feel
|
|||
|
|
Auschwitz
|
|||
|
|
Elderly Japanese men
|
|||
|
|
Raping and pillaging
|
|||
|
|
Kids with ass cancer
|
|||
|
|
Pictures of boobs
|
|||
|
|
The homosexual agenda
|
|||
|
|
A homoerotic volleyball montage
|
|||
|
|
Sexual tension
|
|||
|
|
Hurricane Katrina
|
|||
|
|
Fiery poops
|
|||
|
|
Science
|
|||
|
|
Dry heaving
|
|||
|
|
Cards Against Humanity
|
|||
|
|
Fancy Feast®
|
|||
|
|
A bleached asshole
|
|||
|
|
Lumberjack fantasies
|
|||
|
|
American Gladiators
|
|||
|
|
Autocannibalism
|
|||
|
|
Sean Connery
|
|||
|
|
William Shatner
|
|||
|
|
Domino's™ Oreo™ Dessert Pizza
|
|||
|
|
An asymmetric boob job
|
|||
|
|
Centaurs
|
|||
|
|
A micropenis
|
|||
|
|
Asians who aren't good at math
|
|||
|
|
The milk man
|
|||
|
|
Waterboarding
|
|||
|
|
Wifely duties
|
|||
|
|
Loose lips
|
|||
|
|
The Blood of Christ
|
|||
|
|
Actually taking candy from a baby
|
|||
|
|
The token minority
|
|||
|
|
Jibber-jabber
|
|||
|
|
A brain tumor
|
|||
|
|
Bingeing and purging
|
|||
|
|
A clandestine butt scratch
|
|||
|
|
The Chinese gymnastics team
|
|||
|
|
Prancing
|
|||
|
|
The Hamburglar
|
|||
|
|
Police brutality
|
|||
|
|
Man meat
|
|||
|
|
Forgetting the Alamo
|
|||
|
|
Eating the last known bison
|
|||
|
|
Crystal meth
|
|||
|
|
Booby-trapping the house to foil burglars
|
|||
|
|
My inner demons
|
|||
|
|
Third base
|
|||
|
|
Soiling oneself
|
|||
|
|
Laying an egg
|
|||
|
|
Giving 110%
|
|||
|
|
Hot people
|
|||
|
|
Friendly fire
|
|||
|
|
Count Chocula
|
|||
|
|
Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum
|
|||
|
|
Estrogen
|
|||
|
|
My vagina
|
|||
|
|
Kanye West
|
|||
|
|
A robust mongoloid
|
|||
|
|
The Donald Trump Seal of Approval™
|
|||
|
|
The true meaning of Christmas
|
|||
|
|
Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II
|
|||
|
|
An honest cop with nothing left to lose
|
|||
|
|
Feeding Rosie O'Donnell
|
|||
|
|
The Amish
|
|||
|
|
The terrorists
|
|||
|
|
When you fart and a little bit comes out
|
|||
|
|
Pooping back and forth. Forever
|
|||
|
|
Friends who eat all the snacks
|
|||
|
|
Cockfights
|
|||
|
|
Bitches
|
|||
|
|
Seduction
|
|||
|
|
A big black dick
|
|||
|
|
A beached whale
|
|||
|
|
A bloody pacifier
|
|||
|
|
A crappy little hand
|
|||
|
|
A low standard of living
|
|||
|
|
A nuanced critique
|
|||
|
|
Panty raids
|
|||
|
|
A passionate Latino lover
|
|||
|
|
A rival dojo
|
|||
|
|
A web of lies
|
|||
|
|
A woman scorned
|
|||
|
|
Clams
|
|||
|
|
Apologizing
|
|||
|
|
A plunger to the face
|
|||
|
|
Neil Patrick Harris
|
|||
|
|
Beating your wives
|
|||
|
|
Being a dinosaur
|
|||
|
|
Shaft
|
|||
|
|
Bosnian chicken farmers
|
|||
|
|
Nubile slave boys
|
|||
|
|
Carnies
|
|||
|
|
Coughing into a vagina
|
|||
|
|
Suicidal thoughts
|
|||
|
|
The ooze
|
|||
|
|
Deflowering the princess
|
|||
|
|
Dorito breath
|
|||
|
|
Eating an albino
|
|||
|
|
Enormous Scandinavian women
|
|||
|
|
Fabricating statistics
|
|||
|
|
Finding a skeleton
|
|||
|
|
Gandalf
|
|||
|
|
Genetically engineered super-soldiers
|
|||
|
|
George Clooney's musk
|
|||
|
|
Getting abducted by Peter Pan
|
|||
|
|
Getting in her pants, politely
|
|||
|
|
Gladiatorial combat
|
|||
|
|
Clenched butt cheeks
|
|||
|
|
Hipsters
|
|||
|
|
Historical revisionism
|
|||
|
|
Insatiable bloodlust
|
|||
|
|
Jafar
|
|||
|
|
Jean-Claude Van Damme
|
|||
|
|
Just the tip
|
|||
|
|
Mad hacky-sack skills
|
|||
|
|
Leveling up
|
|||
|
|
Literally eating shit
|
|||
|
|
Making the penises kiss
|
|||
|
|
24-hour media coverage
|
|||
|
|
Medieval Times© Dinner & Tournament
|
|||
|
|
Moral ambiguity
|
|||
|
|
My machete
|
|||
|
|
One thousand Slim Jims
|
|||
|
|
Ominous background music
|
|||
|
|
Overpowering your father
|
|||
|
|
Stockholm Syndrome
|
|||
|
|
Quiche
|
|||
|
|
Quivering jowls
|
|||
|
|
Revenge fucking
|
|||
|
|
Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart
|
|||
|
|
Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse
|
|||
|
|
Santa Claus
|
|||
|
|
Scrotum tickling
|
|||
|
|
Sexual humiliation
|
|||
|
|
Sexy Siamese twins
|
|||
|
|
Saliva
|
|||
|
|
Space muffins
|
|||
|
|
Statistically validated stereotypes
|
|||
|
|
Sudden Poop Explosion Disease
|
|||
|
|
The boners of the elderly
|
|||
|
|
The economy
|
|||
|
|
Syphilitic insanity
|
|||
|
|
The Gulags
|
|||
|
|
The harsh light of day
|
|||
|
|
The hiccups
|
|||
|
|
The shambling corpse of Larry King
|
|||
|
|
The four arms of Vishnu
|
|||
|
|
Being a busy adult with many important things to do
|
|||
|
|
Tripping balls
|
|||
|
|
Words, words, words
|
|||
|
|
Zeus's sexual appetites
|
|||
|
|
A bigger, blacker dick
|
|||
|
|
The mere concept of Applebee's®
|
|||
|
|
A sad fat dragon with no friends
|
|||
|
|
Catastrophic urethral trauma
|
|||
|
|
Hillary Clinton's death stare
|
|||
|
|
Existing
|
|||
|
|
A pinata full of scorpions
|
|||
|
|
Mooing
|
|||
|
|
Swiftly achieving orgasm
|
|||
|
|
Daddy's belt
|
|||
|
|
Double penetration
|
|||
|
|
Weapons-grade plutonium
|
|||
|
|
Some really fucked-up shit
|
|||
|
|
Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife
|
|||
|
|
Rising from the grave
|
|||
|
|
The mixing of the races
|
|||
|
|
Taking a man's eyes and balls out and putting his eyes where his balls go and then his balls in the eye holes
|
|||
|
|
Scrotal frostbite
|
|||
|
|
All of this blood
|
|||
|
|
Loki, the trickster god
|
|||
|
|
Whining like a little bitch
|
|||
|
|
Pumping out a baby every nine months
|
|||
|
|
Tongue
|
|||
|
|
Finding Waldo
|
|||
|
|
Upgrading homeless people to mobile hotspots
|
|||
|
|
Wearing an octopus for a hat
|
|||
|
|
An unhinged ferris wheel rolling toward the sea
|
|||
|
|
Living in a trashcan
|
|||
|
|
The corporations
|
|||
|
|
A magic hippie love cloud
|
|||
|
|
Fuck Mountain
|
|||
|
|
Survivor's guilt
|
|||
|
|
Me
|
|||
|
|
Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group
|
|||
|
|
Jeff Goldblum
|
|||
|
|
Making a friend
|
|||
|
|
A soulful rendition of "Ol' Man River."
|
|||
|
|
Intimacy problems
|
|||
|
|
A sweaty, panting leather daddy
|
|||
|
|
Spring break!
|
|||
|
|
Being awesome at sex
|
|||
|
|
Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends."
|
|||
|
|
Another shot of morphine
|
|||
|
|
Beefin' over turf
|
|||
|
|
A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles
|
|||
|
|
Bullshit
|
|||
|
|
The Google
|
|||
|
|
Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game®
|
|||
|
|
The new Radiohead album
|
|||
|
|
An army of skeletons
|
|||
|
|
A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings
|
|||
|
|
Mild autism
|
|||
|
|
Nunchuck moves
|
|||
|
|
Whipping a disobedient slave
|
|||
|
|
An ether-soaked rag
|
|||
|
|
A sweet spaceship
|
|||
|
|
A 55-gallon drum of lube
|
|||
|
|
Special musical guest, Cher
|
|||
|
|
The human body
|
|||
|
|
Boris the Soviet Love Hammer
|
|||
|
|
The grey nutrient broth that sustains Mitt Romney
|
|||
|
|
Tiny nipples
|
|||
|
|
Power
|
|||
|
|
Oncoming traffic
|
|||
|
|
A dollop of sour cream
|
|||
|
|
A slightly shittier parallel universe
|
|||
|
|
My first kill
|
|||
|
|
Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content
|
|||
|
|
Fetal alcohol syndrome
|
|||
|
|
The day the birds attacked
|
|||
|
|
One Ring to rule them all
|
|||
|
|
Grandpa's ashes
|
|||
|
|
Basic human decency
|
|||
|
|
A Burmese tiger pit
|
|||
|
|
Death by Steven Seagal
|
|||
|
|
Dragon boobs
|
|||
|
|
Verisimilitude
|
|||
|
|
Dissociated mechanics
|
|||
|
|
Rape
|
|||
|
|
Storygames
|
|||
|
|
Random chargen
|
|||
|
|
RPG.net
|
|||
|
|
Dice inserted somewhere painful
|
|||
|
|
FATAL
|
|||
|
|
Ron Edwards' brain damage
|
|||
|
|
Boob plate armor
|
|||
|
|
Gamer chicks
|
|||
|
|
GNS theory
|
|||
|
|
Drizzt
|
|||
|
|
The entire Palladium Books® Megaverse™
|
|||
|
|
BadWrongFun
|
|||
|
|
Misogynerds
|
|||
|
|
Cultural Marxism
|
|||
|
|
Pissing on Gary Gygax's grave
|
|||
|
|
Steve Jackson's beard
|
|||
|
|
Natural 20
|
|||
|
|
Rapenards
|
|||
|
|
The Crisis of Treachery™
|
|||
|
|
Game balance
|
|||
|
|
Fishmalks
|
|||
|
|
A kick to the dicebags
|
|||
|
|
Bearded dwarven women
|
|||
|
|
Owlbear's tears
|
|||
|
|
Magic missile
|
|||
|
|
THAC0
|
|||
|
|
Bigby's Groping Hands
|
|||
|
|
Drow blackface
|
|||
|
|
Save or die
|
|||
|
|
Swine
|
|||
|
|
The Forge
|
|||
|
|
Healing Surges
|
|||
|
|
Gelatinous Cubes
|
|||
|
|
Total Party Kill
|
|||
|
|
Quoting Monty Python
|
|||
|
|
Dumbed down shit for ADD WoW babies
|
|||
|
|
Mike Mearls
|
|||
|
|
Comeliness
|
|||
|
|
Vampire: The Masquerade
|
|||
|
|
Rifts™
|
|||
|
|
The random prostitute table
|
|||
|
|
Dildo of Enlightenment +2
|
|||
|
|
Grognards Against Humanity
|
|||
|
|
Cthulhu
|
|||
|
|
The naked succubus in the Monster Manual
|
|||
|
|
Role-playing and roll-playing
|
|||
|
|
Fun Tyrant
|
|||
|
|
4rries
|
|||
|
|
Martial dailies
|
|||
|
|
Black Tokyo
|
|||
|
|
Killfuck Soulshitter
|
|||
|
|
Cheetoism
|
|||
|
|
Grimdark
|
|||
|
|
Kobolds
|
|||
|
|
Oozemaster
|
|||
|
|
Rocks fall, everyone dies
|
|||
|
|
Mark Rein·Hagen
|
|||
|
|
Maid RPG
|
|||
|
|
Splugorth blind warrior women
|
|||
|
|
Dying during chargen
|
|||
|
|
Slaughtering innocent orc children
|
|||
|
|
Lesbian stripper ninjas
|
|||
|
|
Magical tea party
|
|||
|
|
Grinding levels
|
|||
|
|
Dice animism
|
|||
|
|
White privilege
|
|||
|
|
Githyanki therapy
|
|||
|
|
Amber Diceless Roleplaying
|
|||
|
|
A ratcatcher with a small but vicious dog
|
|||
|
|
Bribing the GM with sexual favors
|
|||
|
|
Eurocentric fantasy
|
|||
|
|
Sacred cows
|
|||
|
|
Gygaxian naturalism
|
|||
|
|
Special snowflakes
|
|||
|
|
Neckbeards
|
|||
|
|
Gazebos
|
|||
|
|
Lorraine Williams
|
|||
|
|
Nude larping
|
|||
|
|
Portable holes
|
|||
|
|
Steampunk bullshit
|
|||
|
|
Dump stats
|
|||
|
|
Ale and whores
|
|||
|
|
Japanese schoolgirl porn
|
|||
|
|
Horny catgirls
|
|||
|
|
Japanese people
|
|||
|
|
Cimo
|
|||
|
|
ZA WARUDO!
|
|||
|
|
40 gigs of lolicon
|
|||
|
|
Goku's hair
|
|||
|
|
Slashfic
|
|||
|
|
Star Gentle Uterus
|
|||
|
|
Naruto headbands
|
|||
|
|
Homestuck troll horns
|
|||
|
|
Hayao Miyazaki
|
|||
|
|
The tsunami
|
|||
|
|
Death Note
|
|||
|
|
Small breasts
|
|||
|
|
Asians being racist against each other
|
|||
|
|
Weeaboo bullshit
|
|||
|
|
Tsundere
|
|||
|
|
Body pillows
|
|||
|
|
A lifelike silicone love doll
|
|||
|
|
Anime figures drenched in jizz
|
|||
|
|
Surprise sex
|
|||
|
|
Yaoi
|
|||
|
|
Girls with glasses
|
|||
|
|
Bronies
|
|||
|
|
Blue and white striped panties
|
|||
|
|
4chan
|
|||
|
|
Hello Kitty vibrator
|
|||
|
|
Finishing attack
|
|||
|
|
Keikaku* *(keikaku means plan)
|
|||
|
|
Hatsune Miku's screams
|
|||
|
|
School swimsuits
|
|||
|
|
Lovingly animated bouncing boobs
|
|||
|
|
Dragon Balls
|
|||
|
|
Zangief's chest hair
|
|||
|
|
DeviantArt
|
|||
|
|
Giant fucking robots
|
|||
|
|
Crossplay
|
|||
|
|
Moeblob
|
|||
|
|
Carl Macek's rotting corpse
|
|||
|
|
My waifu
|
|||
|
|
Voice actress Megumi Hayashibara
|
|||
|
|
Lynn Minmei
|
|||
|
|
Panty shots
|
|||
|
|
Love and Justice
|
|||
|
|
Consensual tentacle rape
|
|||
|
|
Gundam
|
|||
|
|
Captain Bright slapping Amuro
|
|||
|
|
The Wave Undulation Cannon
|
|||
|
|
Having sex in the P.E. equipment shed
|
|||
|
|
Tainted sushi
|
|||
|
|
Shitty eurobeat music
|
|||
|
|
Bad dubbing
|
|||
|
|
Fangirls
|
|||
|
|
Kawaii desu uguu
|
|||
|
|
Futanari
|
|||
|
|
Lesbian schoolgirls
|
|||
|
|
Osamu Tezuka, rolling in his grave forever
|
|||
|
|
FUNimation
|
|||
|
|
Underage cosplayers in bondage gear
|
|||
|
|
Jackie Chan
|
|||
|
|
Exchanging Pocky for sexual favors
|
|||
|
|
Shipping
|
|||
|
|
Chiyo's father
|
|||
|
|
Magikarp
|
|||
|
|
Derpy
|
|||
|
|
Nanoha and her special friend Fate
|
|||
|
|
The marbles from Ramune bottles
|
|||
|
|
Wideface
|
|||
|
|
Spoilers
|
|||
|
|
Man-Faye
|
|||
|
|
Oppai mousepads
|
|||
|
|
Another dimension
|
|||
|
|
Homura sniffing Madoka's panties
|
|||
|
|
Hadouken
|
|||
|
|
Asian ball-jointed dolls
|
|||
|
|
J-list
|
|||
|
|
Childhood friends
|
|||
|
|
Monkey D. Luffy's rubbery cock
|
|||
|
|
Cloud's giant fucking Buster Swords
|
|||
|
|
Taking a dump in Char's helmet
|
|||
|
|
Hentai marathons
|
|||
|
|
Gothic Lolita
|
|||
|
|
Onaholes
|
|||
|
|
Super Saiyan Level 2
|
|||
|
|
Gaia Online
|
|||
|
|
Santa's heavy sack
|
|||
|
|
Clearing a bloody path through Walmart with a scimitar
|
|||
|
|
Another shitty year
|
|||
|
|
Whatever Kwanzaa is supposed to be about
|
|||
|
|
A Christmas stocking full of coleslaw
|
|||
|
|
Elf cum
|
|||
|
|
The tiny, calloused hands of the Chinese children that made this card
|
|||
|
|
Taking down Santa with a surface-to-air missile
|
|||
|
|
Socks
|
|||
|
|
Pretending to be happy
|
|||
|
|
Krampus, the Austrian Christmas monster
|
|||
|
|
The Star Wars Holiday Special
|
|||
|
|
My hot cousin
|
|||
|
|
Mall Santa
|
|||
|
|
Several intertwining love stories featuring Hugh Grant
|
|||
|
|
A Hungry-Man™ Frozen Christmas Dinner for one
|
|||
|
|
Gift-wrapping a live hamster
|
|||
|
|
Space Jam on VHS
|
|||
|
|
Immaculate conception
|
|||
|
|
Fucking up 'Silent Night' in front of 300 parents
|
|||
|
|
A visually arresting turtleneck
|
|||
|
|
A toxic family environment
|
|||
|
|
Eating an entire snowman
|
|||
|
|
Bumpses
|
|||
|
|
A Vin Gerard H8 X 10
|
|||
|
|
Harry Acropolis
|
|||
|
|
Under the ring
|
|||
|
|
Afa The Wild Samoan
|
|||
|
|
Peanut Butter and Baby sandwiches
|
|||
|
|
Yard Tards
|
|||
|
|
Two girls, one cup
|
|||
|
|
Ugly Mexican Hookers
|
|||
|
|
Duct tape
|
|||
|
|
Sodaj
|
|||
|
|
Steve The Teacher
|
|||
|
|
Jefferee
|
|||
|
|
Autoerotic Asphyxiation
|
|||
|
|
Sonic The Hedgehog
|
|||
|
|
Lotto Money
|
|||
|
|
Jailbait
|
|||
|
|
Prison rape
|
|||
|
|
Two And A Half Men
|
|||
|
|
Anne Frank
|
|||
|
|
Black Santa
|
|||
|
|
Jesus Christ (our lord and saviour)
|
|||
|
|
Farting with your armpits
|
|||
|
|
Poopsicles
|
|||
|
|
Slaughtering innocent children
|
|||
|
|
Sex with vegetables
|
|||
|
|
My gay ex-husband
|
|||
|
|
Accidentally sexting your mom
|
|||
|
|
Tabasco in your pee-hole
|
|||
|
|
Pee Wee Herman
|
|||
|
|
A breath of fresh air
|
|||
|
|
A great big floppy donkey dick
|
|||
|
|
A pyramid scheme
|
|||
|
|
A school bus surrounded by cop cars
|
|||
|
|
A short walk in the desert with shovels
|
|||
|
|
All the boys staring at your chest
|
|||
|
|
An amorous stallion
|
|||
|
|
Being so wet it just slides out of you
|
|||
|
|
Being tarred and feathered
|
|||
|
|
Catching 'em all
|
|||
|
|
Chained to the bed and whipped to orgasmic bliss by a leather-clad woman
|
|||
|
|
Child-bearing hips
|
|||
|
|
Defenestration
|
|||
|
|
Dungeons andgor dragons
|
|||
|
|
Ecco the Dolphin
|
|||
|
|
George Washington riding on a giant eagle
|
|||
|
|
Getting abducted and probed by aliens
|
|||
|
|
Going viral on YouTube
|
|||
|
|
Gushing
|
|||
|
|
Making the baby Jesus cry
|
|||
|
|
More than you can chew
|
|||
|
|
Napalm
|
|||
|
|
Pancake bitches
|
|||
|
|
Playing God with the power of lightning
|
|||
|
|
Playing tonsil-hockey
|
|||
|
|
Racing cheese wheels downhill
|
|||
|
|
Riding the bomb
|
|||
|
|
Settling arguments with dance-offs
|
|||
|
|
Sheer spite
|
|||
|
|
Sinister laughter
|
|||
|
|
SS Girls
|
|||
|
|
Stealing your sister's underwear
|
|||
|
|
Stroking a cat the wrong way
|
|||
|
|
Sucking and blowing
|
|||
|
|
The bullet with your name on it
|
|||
|
|
The entire rest of eternity, spent in fucking Bruges
|
|||
|
|
The oceans rising to reclaim the land
|
|||
|
|
A cocained-fuelled sex orgy heart attack
|
|||
|
|
A cocktail umbrella
|
|||
|
|
A murdergsuicide pact
|
|||
|
|
A squirming mass of kittens
|
|||
|
|
An angry mob with torches and pitchforks
|
|||
|
|
Biting my girlfriend like a vampire during sex
|
|||
|
|
Dropping your pants and saluting
|
|||
|
|
Frankenstein's Monster
|
|||
|
|
Getting a blowjob in a theater
|
|||
|
|
Going full retard
|
|||
|
|
Going slob-slob-slob all over that knob
|
|||
|
|
Leaking implants
|
|||
|
|
Low-flying planes
|
|||
|
|
Monkies flinging their own shit
|
|||
|
|
My robot duplicate
|
|||
|
|
Other people’s children
|
|||
|
|
People who can't take a joke. Seriously
|
|||
|
|
Popping a boner during Sex Ed class
|
|||
|
|
Projectile vomiting
|
|||
|
|
Pulling down panties with your teeth
|
|||
|
|
Saying
|
|||
|
|
Shedding skin like a snake
|
|||
|
|
Shooting Valley Girls for like, saying like all the time. Really
|
|||
|
|
Slow seductive tentacle rape
|
|||
|
|
Talking like a pirate, y’arr!
|
|||
|
|
Tenderly kissing a unicorn's horn
|
|||
|
|
That bastard Jesus!
|
|||
|
|
The last shreads of dignity
|
|||
|
|
The power of friendship
|
|||
|
|
This card intentionally left blank
|
|||
|
|
Throwing water on a braless woman in a white t-shirt
|
|||
|
|
Upskirts
|
|||
|
|
Wasting all your money on hookers and booze
|
|||
|
|
Winning
|
|||
|
|
A foot fetish
|
|||
|
|
A powerful gag reflex
|
|||
|
|
A tight, Asian pussy
|
|||
|
|
Explosive decompression
|
|||
|
|
Extraordinary Rendition
|
|||
|
|
Forgetting the safety word
|
|||
|
|
Greeting Christmas carollers naked
|
|||
|
|
Handcuffs, without the key
|
|||
|
|
Having a drill for a penis
|
|||
|
|
Hot Jailbait Ass
|
|||
|
|
Liposuction gone horrible wrong
|
|||
|
|
My harem of scantily clad women
|
|||
|
|
Nazi Zombie Robot Ninjas
|
|||
|
|
Redneck gypsies
|
|||
|
|
Scissoring
|
|||
|
|
A guy and two robots who won’t shut up
|
|||
|
|
A shotgun wedding
|
|||
|
|
Anne Frank's diary
|
|||
|
|
Autoerotic asphyxiation
|
|||
|
|
Blow Up Bianca the Latex Lovedoll
|
|||
|
|
Endlessly tumbling down an up escalator
|
|||
|
|
Fun with nuns
|
|||
|
|
Getting it all over the walls
|
|||
|
|
Holiday Dinner by Jack Daniels
|
|||
|
|
Nailgun fights
|
|||
|
|
Teaching the bitch a lesson
|
|||
|
|
Nazi super science
|
|||
|
|
Making a human centipede
|
|||
|
|
The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now
|
|||
|
|
A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus
|
|||
|
|
Cock
|
|||
|
|
A cop who is also a dog
|
|||
|
|
Dying alone and in pain
|
|||
|
|
Gay aliens
|
|||
|
|
The way white people is
|
|||
|
|
Reverse cowgirl
|
|||
|
|
The Quesadilla Explosion Salad™ from Chili's©
|
|||
|
|
Actually getting shot, for real
|
|||
|
|
Not having sex
|
|||
|
|
Vietnam flashbacks
|
|||
|
|
Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere
|
|||
|
|
Nothing
|
|||
|
|
Warm, velvety muppet sex
|
|||
|
|
Self-flagellation
|
|||
|
|
The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life
|
|||
|
|
Samuel L. Jackson
|
|||
|
|
A boo-boo
|
|||
|
|
Going around punching people
|
|||
|
|
The entire Internet
|
|||
|
|
Some kind of bird-man
|
|||
|
|
Chugging a lava lamp
|
|||
|
|
Having sex on top of a pizza
|
|||
|
|
Indescribable loneliness
|
|||
|
|
An ass disaster
|
|||
|
|
Shutting the fuck up
|
|||
|
|
All my friends dying
|
|||
|
|
Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR
|
|||
|
|
Spending lots of money
|
|||
|
|
Some douche with an acoustic guitar
|
|||
|
|
Flying robots that kill people
|
|||
|
|
A greased-up Matthew McConaughey
|
|||
|
|
An unstoppable wave of fire ants
|
|||
|
|
Not contributing to society in any meaningful way
|
|||
|
|
An all-midget production of Shakespeare's <i>Richard III<gi>
|
|||
|
|
Screaming like a maniac
|
|||
|
|
The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth
|
|||
|
|
Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding
|
|||
|
|
Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks
|
|||
|
|
Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath
|
|||
|
|
Velcro™
|
|||
|
|
A PowerPoint presentation
|
|||
|
|
A surprising amount of hair
|
|||
|
|
Eating Tom Selleck's mustache to gain his powers
|
|||
|
|
Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king
|
|||
|
|
That ass
|
|||
|
|
A pile of squirming bodies
|
|||
|
|
Buying the right pants to be cool
|
|||
|
|
Blood farts
|
|||
|
|
Three months in the hole
|
|||
|
|
A botched circumcision
|
|||
|
|
The Land of Chocolate
|
|||
|
|
Slapping a racist old lady
|
|||
|
|
A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint
|
|||
|
|
Jumping out at people
|
|||
|
|
A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie
|
|||
|
|
Mufasa's death scene
|
|||
|
|
Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone
|
|||
|
|
Demonic possession
|
|||
|
|
The Harlem Globetrotters
|
|||
|
|
Vomiting mid-blowjob
|
|||
|
|
My manservant, Claude
|
|||
|
|
Having shotguns for legs
|
|||
|
|
Letting everyone down
|
|||
|
|
A spontaneous conga line
|
|||
|
|
A vagina that leads to another dimension
|
|||
|
|
Disco fever
|
|||
|
|
Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick
|
|||
|
|
Fisting
|
|||
|
|
The thin veneer of situational causality that underlies porn
|
|||
|
|
Girls that always be textin'
|
|||
|
|
Blowing some dudes in an alley
|
|||
|
|
Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs® to get fifty continuous hours of energy
|
|||
|
|
Sneezing, farting, and coming at the same time
|
|||
|
|
A freshly-filled diaper
|
|||
|
|
Glue
|
|||
|
|
An unusually-attractive transvestite
|
|||
|
|
Hand-me-down adult diapers
|
|||
|
|
A stillborn fetus
|
|||
|
|
A disgraced pelican
|
|||
|
|
Three buckets of urine, free for 2 nights, with no late fee
|
|||
|
|
My testicles
|
|||
|
|
A black woman's vagina
|
|||
|
|
My asshole
|
|||
|
|
A whale's blowhole
|
|||
|
|
2 Girls 1 Cup
|
|||
|
|
The Big Bang Theory (TV)
|
|||
|
|
Teen pregnancy
|
|||
|
|
Ass hair
|
|||
|
|
Vaginal warts
|
|||
|
|
Ellen Degeneres
|
|||
|
|
Jews Against Humanity
|
|||
|
|
Indy wrestling
|
|||
|
|
Cunt
|
|||
|
|
Beating a crowd of delightful parents to death with a steel dildo
|
|||
|
|
Beating a crowd of delightful parents to death with a steel dildo while dressed as Ru Paul's brother, Ron
|
|||
|
|
A roll in the hay
|
|||
|
|
\"Get 'em, Steve-Dave!\"
|
|||
|
|
God Hates You
|
|||
|
|
Manboobs
|
|||
|
|
Daniel Benoit
|
|||
|
|
Vomiting in the shower
|
|||
|
|
An intellectually superior overlord
|
|||
|
|
Dwight Schrute
|
|||
|
|
Casey Anthony
|
|||
|
|
Clubbin seals
|
|||
|
|
Stunt cock
|
|||
|
|
Anal lice
|
|||
|
|
Lightsaber Dildos
|
|||
|
|
Jaime Lannister, 'The Kingslayer'
|
|||
|
|
Cersei Lannister, the Queen
|
|||
|
|
Joffrey Baratheon, the Prince
|
|||
|
|
Tyrion Lannister, 'The Imp'
|
|||
|
|
Ned Stark, Lord of Winterfell, Warden of the North
|
|||
|
|
Robb Stark, heir apparent of Winterfell
|
|||
|
|
Jon Snow, the bastard
|
|||
|
|
Catelyn Stark, Lady of Winterfell
|
|||
|
|
Sansa Stark, betrothed to Prince Joffrey
|
|||
|
|
Arya Stark
|
|||
|
|
Bran Stark
|
|||
|
|
Hodor
|
|||
|
|
The Wall
|
|||
|
|
The Night's Watch
|
|||
|
|
Danerys Targaryen, Khaleesi of the Dothraki
|
|||
|
|
Theon Greyjoy, Ned Stark's youthful ward
|
|||
|
|
Peter 'Littlefinger' Baelish
|
|||
|
|
Lord Varys, the Spider
|
|||
|
|
King Robert Baratheon, First of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord Protector of the Realm
|
|||
|
|
Khal Drogo, Dothraki horse lord
|
|||
|
|
The Iron Throne
|
|||
|
|
HODOR!!
|
|||
|
|
Ros, the red-headed whore
|
|||
|
|
Winterfell
|
|||
|
|
Kings's Landing
|
|||
|
|
The North
|
|||
|
|
Beyond the Wall
|
|||
|
|
Westeros
|
|||
|
|
The Seven Kingdoms
|
|||
|
|
Direwolves
|
|||
|
|
White Walkers
|
|||
|
|
Dragons
|
|||
|
|
'Winter is Coming'
|
|||
|
|
The old gods and the new
|
|||
|
|
Incest, hot twin on twin action
|
|||
|
|
House Stark
|
|||
|
|
House Lannister
|
|||
|
|
House Targaryen
|
|||
|
|
George R. R. Martin
|
|||
|
|
Gratuitous nudity, the way only HBO® can provide
|
|||
|
|
Throwing a boy out of a window to cover up incest
|
|||
|
|
Joining the Night's Watch
|
|||
|
|
Selling your sister to Dothraki nomads
|
|||
|
|
Making your husband love you through cunning use of reverse cowgirl
|
|||
|
|
Running a whorehouse, which is better than owning ships
|
|||
|
|
Conquering the continent with dragons
|
|||
|
|
Being forced to marry an abusive king
|
|||
|
|
Beheading a man for having no honor
|
|||
|
|
Explaining complicated plot with lots of naked women around
|
|||
|
|
Trusting Littlefinger
|
|||
|
|
Learning the prince is a bastard and the product of incest
|
|||
|
|
Slapping Joffrey. Repeatedly
|
|||
|
|
Cutting off your enemies' heads and mounting them on spikes
|
|||
|
|
Raising your husband's bastard son as your own
|
|||
|
|
Asking a teenage girl if she's 'bled yet'
|
|||
|
|
Making millions of fans cry by killing off beloved characters
|
|||
|
|
Hodoring
|
|||
|
|
Riding off to join your best friend's rebellion
|
|||
|
|
Breastfeeding your creepy son until he's 9 years old
|
|||
|
|
Having a giant wolf for a pet
|
|||
|
|
Beheaded on the steps of the Sept of Baelor
|
|||
|
|
Killed by a member of the Kingsguard
|
|||
|
|
Seized the Iron Throne by any means necessary
|
|||
|
|
Built a 700 foot high wall to keep out bad things
|
|||
|
|
Born a bastard
|
|||
|
|
Butchered by White Walkers and arranged in an artful pattern
|
|||
|
|
Appointed as Hand of the King
|
|||
|
|
Found enough wolf cubs for all the children
|
|||
|
|
Fondled by your brother on your wedding day
|
|||
|
|
Climbed the wrong wall at the wrong time
|
|||
|
|
Started a pointless vendetta with another House
|
|||
|
|
Increased ratings with the use of gratuitous nudity
|
|||
|
|
Carried by Hodor
|
|||
|
|
Pissed off of the Wall just because
|
|||
|
|
Swore an oath to the old gods and the new
|
|||
|
|
Brought home a new baby bastard for your wife to hate
|
|||
|
|
Negotiated a wedding no one will like
|
|||
|
|
Rode a dragon, like a boss
|
|||
|
|
Changed things from the book, infuriating fans
|
|||
|
|
Spent an entire reign chasing boars and fucking whores
|
|||
|
|
Full HD
|
|||
|
|
The Gravity Gun
|
|||
|
|
Reading the comments
|
|||
|
|
70,000 gamers sweating and farting inside an airtight steel dome
|
|||
|
|
Allowing nacho cheese to curdle in your beard while you creep in League of Legends
|
|||
|
|
Achieving the manual dexterity and tactical brilliance of a 12-year-old Korean boy
|
|||
|
|
Rolling a D20 to save a failing marriage
|
|||
|
|
The collective wail of every Magic player suddenly realizing that they've spent hundreds of dollars on pieces of cardboard
|
|||
|
|
Being an attractive elf trapped in an unattractive human's body
|
|||
|
|
Temporary invincibility
|
|||
|
|
The Sarlacc
|
|||
|
|
Filling every pouch of a UtiliKilt™ with pizza
|
|||
|
|
Bowser's aching heart
|
|||
|
|
Mario Kart rage
|
|||
|
|
Nude-Modding Super Mario World
|
|||
|
|
An angry stone head that stomps on the floor every three seconds
|
|||
|
|
Yoshi's huge egg-laying cloaca
|
|||
|
|
The Cock Ring of Alacrity
|
|||
|
|
Offering sexual favors for an ore and a sheep
|
|||
|
|
A home-made, cum-stained Star Trek uniform
|
|||
|
|
Unlocking a new sex position
|
|||
|
|
The boner hatch in the Iron Man suit
|
|||
|
|
Never watching, discussing, or thinking about My Little Pony
|
|||
|
|
Turn-of-the-century sky racists
|
|||
|
|
The decade of legal inquests following a single hour of Grand Theft Auto
|
|||
|
|
A fully-dressed female video game character
|
|||
|
|
Buying virtual clothes for a Sim family instead of real clothes for a real family
|
|||
|
|
Google Glass + e-Cigarette: Ultimate Combo!
|
|||
|
|
Tapping Serra Angel
|
|||
|
|
Charles Barkley Shut Up and Jam!
|
|||
|
|
Legendary Creature - Robert Khoo
|
|||
|
|
Winning the approval of Cooking Mama that you never got from actual mama
|
|||
|
|
Eating a pizza that's lying in the street to gain health
|
|||
|
|
Getting into a situation with an Owlbear
|
|||
|
|
Grand Theft Auto: Fort Lauderdale
|
|||
|
|
A madman who lives in a police box and kidnaps women
|
|||
|
|
SNES cartridge cleaning fluid
|
|||
|
|
An immediately regrettable $9 hot dog from the Boston Convention Center
|
|||
|
|
Running out of stamina
|
|||
|
|
Casting Magic Missile at a bully
|
|||
|
|
Getting bitch slapped by Dhalsim
|
|||
|
|
Firefly: Season 2
|
|||
|
|
Rotating shapes in mid-air so that they fit into other shapes when they fall
|
|||
|
|
Jiggle physics
|
|||
|
|
Paying the iron price
|
|||
|
|
Sharpening a foam broadsword on a foam whetstone
|
|||
|
|
The rocket launcher
|
|||
|
|
The depression that ensues after catching 'em all
|
|||
|
|
Loading from a previous save
|
|||
|
|
Violating the first Law of Robotics
|
|||
|
|
Getting inside the Horadic Cube with a hot babe and pressing the transmute button
|
|||
|
|
Punching a tree to gather wood
|
|||
|
|
Spending the year's insulin budget on Warhammer 40k figurines
|
|||
|
|
The Klobb
|
|||
|
|
Achieving 500 actions per minute
|
|||
|
|
Vespene gas
|
|||
|
|
Wil Wheaton crashing an actual spaceship
|
|||
|
|
Charging up all the way
|
|||
|
|
Judging elves by the color of their skin and not the content of their character
|
|||
|
|
Smashing all the pottery in a Pottery Barn in search of rupees
|
|||
|
|
Forgetting to eat and consequently dying
|
|||
|
|
Zero F**K's Given!
|
|||
|
|
Windows update
|
|||
|
|
Wilfrord Brimley's Mustache
|
|||
|
|
Wikileaks
|
|||
|
|
Why not Zoidberg?!
|
|||
|
|
White Shirt
|
|||
|
|
Warp core breach
|
|||
|
|
W.O.P.R
|
|||
|
|
Vinyl Vanna
|
|||
|
|
Vegas 2.0
|
|||
|
|
Using 4Chan for parenting advice
|
|||
|
|
User Error
|
|||
|
|
Undercover NBC DateLine Reporter
|
|||
|
|
UDP Handshake
|
|||
|
|
Two Girls One Cup
|
|||
|
|
Truffle Shuffle
|
|||
|
|
Trigger word
|
|||
|
|
Tractor Beam
|
|||
|
|
Toxic BBQ
|
|||
|
|
I'm a text
|
|||
|
|
Tongue punch that fart box, boy
|
|||
|
|
TL;DR
|
|||
|
|
Threat modeling
|
|||
|
|
Throat Punching
|
|||
|
|
There's talks at DEF CON?
|
|||
|
|
The Spanish Inquisition
|
|||
|
|
The smell of glitter and lost dreams
|
|||
|
|
The plan was to crowd source a plan
|
|||
|
|
The fractured elements of her psyche reassembled themselves into an exact likeness of a snarling ferret and she self-destructed
|
|||
|
|
The asshole sitting to my right
|
|||
|
|
The asshole sitting to my left
|
|||
|
|
That's What ~ She
|
|||
|
|
That's Racist!
|
|||
|
|
That place where I put that thing that time
|
|||
|
|
That just happened and we let that happen
|
|||
|
|
Tentacle Porn
|
|||
|
|
TARDIS
|
|||
|
|
Sweat, anger and shame
|
|||
|
|
Stolen laptops
|
|||
|
|
Sticky keyboard
|
|||
|
|
Steve Wozniak
|
|||
|
|
Steampunk
|
|||
|
|
SRDF (Self Righteous Dick Face)
|
|||
|
|
Squirrel
|
|||
|
|
Spyware
|
|||
|
|
Spotting a FED
|
|||
|
|
SPAM with Bacon
|
|||
|
|
Something something danger zone. I know. I'm not even trying anymore
|
|||
|
|
Spacedicks
|
|||
|
|
Slow Clap
|
|||
|
|
Six gummy bears and some scotch
|
|||
|
|
Situational awareness
|
|||
|
|
Shut up and take my money
|
|||
|
|
Schrödinger's cat
|
|||
|
|
Shenanigans
|
|||
|
|
Security theater
|
|||
|
|
Security Evangelist
|
|||
|
|
Security by obscurity
|
|||
|
|
Script kiddies
|
|||
|
|
Said no one ever!
|
|||
|
|
Sabu
|
|||
|
|
Running backwards through a corn field
|
|||
|
|
Rule 34
|
|||
|
|
Ruby on Rails
|
|||
|
|
Rolling Natural 20's
|
|||
|
|
ROFLCOPTER
|
|||
|
|
Riding a horse
|
|||
|
|
Ridiculously Photogenic Guy
|
|||
|
|
Ribbed for their pleasure
|
|||
|
|
Restore from backups
|
|||
|
|
Redbull without a cause
|
|||
|
|
Red Shirts
|
|||
|
|
ReCaptcha
|
|||
|
|
Real men of Genius
|
|||
|
|
Rainbow tables
|
|||
|
|
Rageface
|
|||
|
|
Rage quit
|
|||
|
|
Put Kevin back
|
|||
|
|
Put a bird on it
|
|||
|
|
Purchasing challenge coins on eBay
|
|||
|
|
Prism
|
|||
|
|
Priest in a thong doing the Gangnam Style
|
|||
|
|
Pressing the red button
|
|||
|
|
Prenda Law
|
|||
|
|
Prairie dogging during an interview
|
|||
|
|
Practicing Gringo Warrior at home with baby oil. Naked
|
|||
|
|
P0rn
|
|||
|
|
PORK CHOP SANDWICHES!
|
|||
|
|
Pop, Pop, Ret
|
|||
|
|
Pool2Girl
|
|||
|
|
Please do the needful
|
|||
|
|
Pirate Party
|
|||
|
|
Pepper spray
|
|||
|
|
PedoBear
|
|||
|
|
Patrick Star
|
|||
|
|
Pastebin password files
|
|||
|
|
Passwords emailed in plain text
|
|||
|
|
Password: Guest
|
|||
|
|
0wning You
|
|||
|
|
Online backups
|
|||
|
|
One Salty Hash
|
|||
|
|
OMGBTFBBQ
|
|||
|
|
Obvious
|
|||
|
|
NSA
|
|||
|
|
Now I'm into something... Darker
|
|||
|
|
Not a single fuck was given
|
|||
|
|
North Korea's Twitter Account
|
|||
|
|
No Starch Press
|
|||
|
|
No Reason
|
|||
|
|
Nmap
|
|||
|
|
Ninjas, Pirates, Robots, and Zombies!
|
|||
|
|
Ninja badge
|
|||
|
|
Nigerian scammers
|
|||
|
|
Neck beard
|
|||
|
|
NAMBLA
|
|||
|
|
Na-ah-ah You didn't say the magic word!
|
|||
|
|
My sex robot Fisto Roboto
|
|||
|
|
My massive SSD
|
|||
|
|
My little Bronies
|
|||
|
|
My first Prostate Exam
|
|||
|
|
Mouth Hugs
|
|||
|
|
Mega
|
|||
|
|
Mega Upload
|
|||
|
|
Math is hard. Lets go shopping!
|
|||
|
|
Masturbating in a hot tub for a Ninja Badge
|
|||
|
|
Mansplaining
|
|||
|
|
Maniacally laughing while wearing a monocle
|
|||
|
|
Making a sandwich
|
|||
|
|
Maintaining the Ballmer Peak
|
|||
|
|
Lock picks
|
|||
|
|
Level 8 Portal
|
|||
|
|
Lemon Party
|
|||
|
|
Learning something at Con
|
|||
|
|
Lady boner
|
|||
|
|
L0pht
|
|||
|
|
Keyloggers
|
|||
|
|
Kevin Mitnick
|
|||
|
|
Kegels
|
|||
|
|
Just the Tip
|
|||
|
|
Just a sniff
|
|||
|
|
Julian Assange
|
|||
|
|
John McAfee
|
|||
|
|
It's just a bunch of ones and zeros
|
|||
|
|
It blended!
|
|||
|
|
Ingress
|
|||
|
|
Infected email attachments
|
|||
|
|
In the cloud
|
|||
|
|
Implied Situational Consent
|
|||
|
|
Ill-tempered sea bass
|
|||
|
|
If you know what I mean
|
|||
|
|
Identity theft
|
|||
|
|
ICANN
|
|||
|
|
I should buy a boat
|
|||
|
|
Humperdink award
|
|||
|
|
HuBot (Chatroom bot)
|
|||
|
|
Hookers & Blow
|
|||
|
|
Hashtag
|
|||
|
|
Handcuffs
|
|||
|
|
Grumpy Cat
|
|||
|
|
Gray beard, gray balls
|
|||
|
|
Grammar Nazi
|
|||
|
|
Got it done!
|
|||
|
|
Good Guy Greg
|
|||
|
|
Golf cart
|
|||
|
|
Glasshole
|
|||
|
|
Getting thrown the the pool by the Goons with all your tech
|
|||
|
|
Getting hammered in the ass so much you die of getting hammered in the ass
|
|||
|
|
Getting F'd in the A with a D
|
|||
|
|
Getting a sympathy boner
|
|||
|
|
Fyodor
|
|||
|
|
FX
|
|||
|
|
Forking someone's repo
|
|||
|
|
Forever Alone
|
|||
|
|
FOIA Request
|
|||
|
|
Floppy Disk
|
|||
|
|
Flipping a table
|
|||
|
|
Flesh light
|
|||
|
|
Flame wars
|
|||
|
|
Fist full of assholes
|
|||
|
|
Fish fingers and custard
|
|||
|
|
First World Problems
|
|||
|
|
Finished it last week!
|
|||
|
|
FemiNazi's
|
|||
|
|
Fear Uncertainty Doubt (FUD)
|
|||
|
|
Fapping while wearing a horse head mask
|
|||
|
|
Fapping on the family computer
|
|||
|
|
Fapped
|
|||
|
|
Facepalm
|
|||
|
|
EXIF data stalking
|
|||
|
|
End User License Agreement
|
|||
|
|
Electronic Frontier Foundation
|
|||
|
|
Edward Snowden
|
|||
|
|
Drunken Muppet
|
|||
|
|
Drones
|
|||
|
|
Double ROT13
|
|||
|
|
Double Facepalm
|
|||
|
|
Don't Blink
|
|||
|
|
Dr. Who
|
|||
|
|
Dongs
|
|||
|
|
Doing the '(you are) NOT the father' dance
|
|||
|
|
Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA)
|
|||
|
|
Die in a fire
|
|||
|
|
Dick andgor Balls
|
|||
|
|
derp.rar (yo.zip)
|
|||
|
|
Def Con Wireless
|
|||
|
|
Do not connect to this!
|
|||
|
|
Deep C Phishing
|
|||
|
|
Dark Tangent
|
|||
|
|
Dan Kaminsky Password Generator
|
|||
|
|
Dan Kaminsky
|
|||
|
|
Daaaaaanger Zone!
|
|||
|
|
Cyber war
|
|||
|
|
Cyber-douchery
|
|||
|
|
Cyber Punk
|
|||
|
|
Crying over spilt milk
|
|||
|
|
Crash Override
|
|||
|
|
Copyright trolls
|
|||
|
|
Coding while listening to whale songs
|
|||
|
|
Clicking shit
|
|||
|
|
Chuck Norris
|
|||
|
|
China
|
|||
|
|
Check a look at you later
|
|||
|
|
Cat memes
|
|||
|
|
Caressing a man's hairy chest
|
|||
|
|
Captain Crunch (John Draper)
|
|||
|
|
Butthurt
|
|||
|
|
Butt chugging mom's boxed wine
|
|||
|
|
But then I'd have to kill you
|
|||
|
|
Big Dongles
|
|||
|
|
Big Data
|
|||
|
|
Being the big spoon
|
|||
|
|
Being the little spoon
|
|||
|
|
Being sexually aroused by the sight of TSA's gloves
|
|||
|
|
Bath salts
|
|||
|
|
Bacon
|
|||
|
|
Babe caught me slippin'
|
|||
|
|
Awkward mouth hugs
|
|||
|
|
Awkward hugs
|
|||
|
|
Asymmetric encryption
|
|||
|
|
Arbitrary code execution
|
|||
|
|
APT1
|
|||
|
|
Anonymous
|
|||
|
|
And then it died
|
|||
|
|
And boom goes the dynamite
|
|||
|
|
An arrow to the knee
|
|||
|
|
Altair 8800
|
|||
|
|
All the Things!
|
|||
|
|
Alexis Park
|
|||
|
|
Ain't nobody got time for dat!
|
|||
|
|
Ada Initiative approved flesh-light with anti-rape condom included!
|
|||
|
|
ACTII pr0n
|
|||
|
|
A van down by the river
|
|||
|
|
A town with no ducks
|
|||
|
|
A series of explicit Post-It notes
|
|||
|
|
A series of tubes
|
|||
|
|
A Raspberry Pi
|
|||
|
|
A Payphone
|
|||
|
|
A Ninja-tel Phone
|
|||
|
|
A Hak5 Pineapple
|
|||
|
|
A Googly eyed blow job
|
|||
|
|
A giant cup of STFU
|
|||
|
|
A fake ID made from Kinko's
|
|||
|
|
A baby's arm holding an apple
|
|||
|
|
A 'Pair of Docs'
|
|||
|
|
64 Bit Keys
|
|||
|
|
503 Card Unavailable
|
|||
|
|
501 Card Error
|
|||
|
|
500 internal card error
|
|||
|
|
406 Not Allowed
|
|||
|
|
404 Not Found
|
|||
|
|
403 Forbidden
|
|||
|
|
401 Unauthorized
|
|||
|
|
3D printed P0rn
|
|||
|
|
302 Card Redirect
|
|||
|
|
10,000 Canadian Pennies
|
|||
|
|
1.21 Jigawatts
|
|||
|
|
(wub) (wub) (wub)
|
|||
|
|
'I Survived Ada Camp' Challenge Coin
|
|||
|
|
1337 Sp3ak
|
|||
|
|
10 Incredible Facts About the Anus
|
|||
|
|
A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world
|
|||
|
|
A Ugandan warlord
|
|||
|
|
A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans
|
|||
|
|
A dance move that's just sex
|
|||
|
|
A fart
|
|||
|
|
A for-real lizard that spits blood from its eyes
|
|||
|
|
A gender identity that can only be conveyed through slam poetry
|
|||
|
|
A hopeless amount of spiders
|
|||
|
|
A horse with no legs
|
|||
|
|
A kiss on the lips
|
|||
|
|
A manhole
|
|||
|
|
A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness
|
|||
|
|
A sex goblin with a carnival penis
|
|||
|
|
A shiny rock that proves I love you
|
|||
|
|
Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers
|
|||
|
|
Africa
|
|||
|
|
All the single ladies
|
|||
|
|
Almost giving money to a homeless person
|
|||
|
|
Ambiguous sarcasm
|
|||
|
|
An interracial handshake
|
|||
|
|
Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night
|
|||
|
|
Ass to mouth
|
|||
|
|
Blackula
|
|||
|
|
Bouncing up and down
|
|||
|
|
Calculating every mannerism so as not to suggest homosexuality
|
|||
|
|
Child Protective Services
|
|||
|
|
Crazy opium eyes
|
|||
|
|
Dem titties
|
|||
|
|
Depression
|
|||
|
|
Doo-doo
|
|||
|
|
Drinking responsibly
|
|||
|
|
Exploding pigeons
|
|||
|
|
Falling into the toilet
|
|||
|
|
Finally finishing off the Indians
|
|||
|
|
Fucking a corpse back to life
|
|||
|
|
Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis
|
|||
|
|
How awesome I am
|
|||
|
|
Injecting speed into one arm and horse tranquilizer into the other
|
|||
|
|
Interspecies marriage
|
|||
|
|
Jizz
|
|||
|
|
Khakis
|
|||
|
|
Lots and lots of abortions
|
|||
|
|
Moderate-to-severe joint pain
|
|||
|
|
My dad's dumb fucking face
|
|||
|
|
My sex dungeon
|
|||
|
|
My worthless son
|
|||
|
|
Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits
|
|||
|
|
No clothes on, penis in vagina
|
|||
|
|
Party Mexicans
|
|||
|
|
Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa
|
|||
|
|
Sharks with legs
|
|||
|
|
Smoking crack, for instance
|
|||
|
|
Snorting coke off a clown's boner
|
|||
|
|
Some sort of Asian
|
|||
|
|
Sports
|
|||
|
|
Stuffing a child's face with Fun Dip® until he starts having fun
|
|||
|
|
Sugar madness
|
|||
|
|
The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East
|
|||
|
|
The euphoric rush of strangling a drifter
|
|||
|
|
The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China
|
|||
|
|
The safe word
|
|||
|
|
The secret formula for ultimate female satisfaction
|
|||
|
|
The size of my penis
|
|||
|
|
The tiniest shred of evidence that God is real
|
|||
|
|
Three consecutive seconds of happiness
|
|||
|
|
Unquestioning obedience
|
|||
|
|
What Jesus would do
|
|||
|
|
Whatever a McRib® is made of
|
|||
|
|
Whispering all sexy
|
|||
|
|
The biggest, blackest dick
|
|||
|
|
A box
|
|||
|
|
A box within a box
|
|||
|
|
A boxing match with a giant box
|
|||
|
|
A box of biscuits, a box of mixed biscuits, and a biscuit mixer
|
|||
|
|
An outbreak of smallbox
|
|||
|
|
The Boxcar Children
|
|||
|
|
A world without boxes
|
|||
|
|
Boxing up my feelings
|
|||
|
|
A box-shaped man
|
|||
|
|
A man-shaped box
|
|||
|
|
Something that looks like a box but turns out to be a crate
|
|||
|
|
A box that is conscious and wishes it weren't a box
|
|||
|
|
An alternate universe in which boxes store things inside of people
|
|||
|
|
The J15 Patriot Assault Box
|
|||
|
|
A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid
|
|||
|
|
Two midgets shitting into a box
|
|||
|
|
A falcon with a box on its head
|
|||
|
|
Being a motherfucking box
|
|||
|
|
Former President George W. Box
|
|||
|
|
Pandora's vagina
|
|||
|
|
Tom Baker, in nothing but a scarf
|
|||
|
|
Walking in on Jack Harkness doing your mom. And your dad
|
|||
|
|
The buzzing noise that the Sonic Screwdriver makes
|
|||
|
|
Sharing a public restroom with a weeping angel
|
|||
|
|
Just now realizing that \"Torchwood\" is an anagram of \"Doctor Who\"
|
|||
|
|
Fifty years of fanfic
|
|||
|
|
Wanting to punch that teeny-bopper Whovian that's butthurt the new Doctor isn't in his twenties
|
|||
|
|
The Doctor going back in time to solve a REAL problem: \"Twilight\"
|
|||
|
|
A \"Doctor Who\" body pillow
|
|||
|
|
The Silence
|
|||
|
|
A Rusty Cyberman
|
|||
|
|
The Doctor having a chance encounter with a couple of 80s metalheads
|
|||
|
|
Drunkenly drawing tally marks on your face
|
|||
|
|
A shitty Doctor Who knock-knock joke
|
|||
|
|
Davros getting up on the wrong side of the bed
|
|||
|
|
The Master, baiting the doctor into a trap
|
|||
|
|
A Vashta Nerada that just wants a hug
|
|||
|
|
Wishing you could regenerate
|
|||
|
|
Kidnapping a barely-legal woman to time travel with
|
|||
|
|
Getting so much plastic surgery, you have to be framed and moisturized
|
|||
|
|
Quitting this panel after one round, because you are afraid of getting typecast
|
|||
|
|
The poor costume decisions that were made in the 1970s
|
|||
|
|
The Mary Jane Adventures
|
|||
|
|
Fondling a Dalek's slippery bits
|
|||
|
|
Sixteen feet of scarf bondage
|
|||
|
|
Air from my lungs
|
|||
|
|
Smoking 1000 cigarettes, just so you can sound like a Dalek when you talk
|
|||
|
|
Giving her the ol' plastic Mickey
|
|||
|
|
Companion Porn
|
|||
|
|
An acid rain shower on Skaro
|
|||
|
|
Pointing to your crotch and saying \"Allons-y\"
|
|||
|
|
A sonic screwdriver stuck on the vibrate setting
|
|||
|
|
Pouting in a rain storm and having to take a wicked piss
|
|||
|
|
The poor decision that is having a staring contest with a weeping angel
|
|||
|
|
Sorry, this answer is only available in the fanfic version of Cards Against Con
|
|||
|
|
Plot holes so wide, you could drive a truck through them
|
|||
|
|
A blinged-out TARDIS, blasting dubstep when it is travelling
|
|||
|
|
Rose Tyler's teeth
|
|||
|
|
The Master singing \"Bad Case of Loving You.\"
|
|||
|
|
Steven Moffat taking a big old dump in your Cheerios
|
|||
|
|
K-9 humping your leg
|
|||
|
|
A bigger, bluer TARDIS
|
|||
|
|
Robot Anne Robinson
|
|||
|
|
A fez caked with semen
|
|||
|
|
A GUITARDIS
|
|||
|
|
The Celestial Toymaker's \"plaything\"
|
|||
|
|
Captain Jack Harkness
|
|||
|
|
A furry writing BAD WOLF everywhere
|
|||
|
|
Your dyslexic friend that wants you to come watch a marathon of \"Doctor How\"
|
|||
|
|
Fapping to Billie Piper portraying a callgirl
|
|||
|
|
Being used as a plot device by Steven Moffat
|
|||
|
|
A Costco-sized bag of Jelly Babies
|
|||
|
|
A global simulcast that forces Whovians to see sunlight for the first time in ages
|
|||
|
|
THE END OF TIME ITSELF!
|
|||
|
|
Finding Autons oddly attractive
|
|||
|
|
The fuck machine dungeon of the Cybermen
|
|||
|
|
Glenn Beck convulsively puking as a brood of Daleks swarm in on him
|
|||
|
|
River Song
|
|||
|
|
Low-budget special effects
|
|||
|
|
Eggs
|
|||
|
|
Dalek porn
|
|||
|
|
Taking a Doctor Poo
|
|||
|
|
The big banana in your pocket
|
|||
|
|
Opening the door of the TARDIS and leaving a deuce in the time-space continuum
|
|||
|
|
David Tennant
|
|||
|
|
Matt Smith
|
|||
|
|
Chistopher Eccleston
|
|||
|
|
Siltheen farts
|
|||
|
|
A kid in a gas mask asking if you are his mummy
|
|||
|
|
Fish fingering your custard
|
|||
|
|
The hideousness that is Raxacoricofallapatorious
|
|||
|
|
An Ood getting a starring role in a hentai
|
|||
|
|
… . .-. . -. .. - -.— (Serenity)
|
|||
|
|
'Rails with pails
|
|||
|
|
\"Apple Juice.\"
|
|||
|
|
A bull penis cane
|
|||
|
|
A chip in your heart that forces you to love
|
|||
|
|
A dead Ms. Paint
|
|||
|
|
A dominant Kankri
|
|||
|
|
A five minute video of Cronus giving Kankri a blowjob
|
|||
|
|
A mighty wwizard of wwhite science
|
|||
|
|
A Nicolas Cage body pillow
|
|||
|
|
A painting of a horse attacking a football player
|
|||
|
|
A rapist cuttlefish
|
|||
|
|
A slaughtered sperm whale
|
|||
|
|
A smuppet in Dirk’s pants
|
|||
|
|
A Strider sandwich
|
|||
|
|
A VrisKan waffle
|
|||
|
|
Accidentally touching Gamze’s enormous codpiece
|
|||
|
|
Actual blind people who cosplay Terezi
|
|||
|
|
Alternian fine art
|
|||
|
|
Alternian rainbow-drinker romance novels
|
|||
|
|
An acrobatic fucking pirouette
|
|||
|
|
Andrew Hussie
|
|||
|
|
Andrew Hussie’s lips
|
|||
|
|
Anonymous Soporifics Support
|
|||
|
|
Apple Juice
|
|||
|
|
Aradia Bot
|
|||
|
|
Aradia Megido
|
|||
|
|
Aradia’s charred, rotting corpse
|
|||
|
|
Aranea Serket
|
|||
|
|
Aranea's exposition stand
|
|||
|
|
Arguing over troll sexuality
|
|||
|
|
ARquiusprite’s muscles
|
|||
|
|
Arthour the lusus
|
|||
|
|
AVATAR
|
|||
|
|
Baby Dave
|
|||
|
|
Bard Quest
|
|||
|
|
Beating the shit out of Terezi
|
|||
|
|
Bec Noir
|
|||
|
|
Becoming Tumblr famous
|
|||
|
|
Being fuck deep in meowcats
|
|||
|
|
Being in a relationship with a non-Homestuck
|
|||
|
|
Being in a relationship with a non-Homestuck
|
|||
|
|
Being locked in a Prospitian prison
|
|||
|
|
Being the other guy
|
|||
|
|
BETTY FUCKING CROCKER
|
|||
|
|
Binge reading every fanfiction for a pairing and then hating yourself a little bit
|
|||
|
|
BL1ND JUST1C3
|
|||
|
|
Blackrom orgies
|
|||
|
|
Bro and Dave banging while Rose watches
|
|||
|
|
Bro
|
|||
|
|
Bro's rapping ventriloquism act
|
|||
|
|
Bro’s death
|
|||
|
|
BUCKETS
|
|||
|
|
Butler Island
|
|||
|
|
C4NDY R3D BLOOD >:]
|
|||
|
|
Caledscratch
|
|||
|
|
Caliborn
|
|||
|
|
Caliginous speed dating
|
|||
|
|
Calliope
|
|||
|
|
Can Town
|
|||
|
|
Can Town
|
|||
|
|
Cards Against Alternia
|
|||
|
|
Carlos Maraka
|
|||
|
|
Casey
|
|||
|
|
Centaur milk
|
|||
|
|
Charging down halls, shouting profanities and being silly
|
|||
|
|
Cherub m-preg
|
|||
|
|
Cherub mating rituals
|
|||
|
|
Chest of WHIMSY
|
|||
|
|
Cliched JohnKat fanfiction
|
|||
|
|
Cod Palace
|
|||
|
|
Cod Tier Gamzee
|
|||
|
|
Communism!
|
|||
|
|
Constantly breaking Hussie’s copyright
|
|||
|
|
Cosplay sex
|
|||
|
|
Cosplayers who do photo shoots in bondage (God bless them)
|
|||
|
|
Cosplayers who do photo shoots in bondage (God bless them)
|
|||
|
|
Cosplayers who don’t seal their paint
|
|||
|
|
Crabdad
|
|||
|
|
Creative uses for Aradia’s whip
|
|||
|
|
Cronus actually getting laid
|
|||
|
|
Cronus Ampora
|
|||
|
|
Dad EgbertgDad Crocker
|
|||
|
|
Dad's pipe
|
|||
|
|
Dad’s fedora
|
|||
|
|
Damara Megido wearing white at her wedding
|
|||
|
|
Damara Megido
|
|||
|
|
Damara Megido’s existence
|
|||
|
|
Dante Basco
|
|||
|
|
Dating exclusively within the fandom
|
|||
|
|
Dave Strider
|
|||
|
|
Dave’s throbbing beef truncheon
|
|||
|
|
Dead parents
|
|||
|
|
Destroying clocks
|
|||
|
|
Developing a deep fear of the sound of clown horns after becoming a Homestuck
|
|||
|
|
Dirk Strider
|
|||
|
|
Dirk’s self-insert MLP fan character
|
|||
|
|
Discovering Sollux is red-blue colorblind
|
|||
|
|
Doc Scratch
|
|||
|
|
Drawing pornography for Caliborn
|
|||
|
|
Elf tears
|
|||
|
|
Equius cumming so hard he blows a hole straight through his partner
|
|||
|
|
Equius Zahhak
|
|||
|
|
Equius’s choice ass
|
|||
|
|
Equius’s copy of \"Fifty Shades of Neigh.\"
|
|||
|
|
Equius’s towel
|
|||
|
|
Equius’s used towel pile
|
|||
|
|
Eridan Ampora
|
|||
|
|
Eridan crying after pailing Vriska for the first time
|
|||
|
|
Eridan stripping to make rent
|
|||
|
|
Eridan’s cape
|
|||
|
|
Eridan’s empty quadrants
|
|||
|
|
Eridan’s empty quadrants
|
|||
|
|
Eridan’s lowwer half
|
|||
|
|
Eridan’s upper half
|
|||
|
|
Falling into a pool of lava
|
|||
|
|
Fat Vriska
|
|||
|
|
Faygo
|
|||
|
|
Feferi Peixes
|
|||
|
|
Feferi’s voluptuous curves
|
|||
|
|
Fiduspawn
|
|||
|
|
Fifty fucking Nepetas
|
|||
|
|
Filling all of your quadrants
|
|||
|
|
Filling all of your quadrants
|
|||
|
|
Finding grey paint on your bathroom door three weeks after the last meetup
|
|||
|
|
Fis)( puns!
|
|||
|
|
Flighty broads
|
|||
|
|
Flipping the fuck out
|
|||
|
|
Game Bro Magazine
|
|||
|
|
Gamzee Makara
|
|||
|
|
Gamzee’s clown horns
|
|||
|
|
gAmZeE’S pOtIoNs: 420 bOoNbUcKs
|
|||
|
|
Geromy
|
|||
|
|
Getting forked by a 2x3dent
|
|||
|
|
Gl'bgolyb. AKA Feferi’s fucking lusus
|
|||
|
|
Going to the bark side
|
|||
|
|
Grandpa HarleygGrandma English
|
|||
|
|
Grimbark Jade
|
|||
|
|
Groincobblers
|
|||
|
|
Gross misinterpretations of your favorite character
|
|||
|
|
Hateclown on the side
|
|||
|
|
Having STRONG surprise buttsex
|
|||
|
|
Hellmurder Island
|
|||
|
|
Hemostuck
|
|||
|
|
Hemostuck
|
|||
|
|
Her Imperious Condescenscion
|
|||
|
|
Her Imperious Condescension’s royal butt-plug collection
|
|||
|
|
Homesmut Voices
|
|||
|
|
Homestuck stealing all the fans from Hetalia and then subsequently watching all its fans leave for OFF and Danganronpa
|
|||
|
|
Homestuck
|
|||
|
|
Homosuck
|
|||
|
|
HONK HONK, MOTHER FUCKER
|
|||
|
|
Horsearoni
|
|||
|
|
Horuss Zahhak
|
|||
|
|
Hot crossplayers
|
|||
|
|
Hunk Rump Magazine
|
|||
|
|
Hussie constantly breaking copyright and then telling his fans to not break his copyright
|
|||
|
|
Hussie constantly breaking copyright
|
|||
|
|
Hussie jacking it to our tears of anguish
|
|||
|
|
Jade Harley
|
|||
|
|
Jade’s dog penis and knot
|
|||
|
|
Jailbreak
|
|||
|
|
Jake English standing there like a fucking idiot
|
|||
|
|
Jake English
|
|||
|
|
Jake English’s assless chaps
|
|||
|
|
Jake English’s choice ass
|
|||
|
|
Jake English’s manhood
|
|||
|
|
Jane Crocker
|
|||
|
|
John Egbert
|
|||
|
|
John’s flaming homosexuality
|
|||
|
|
John’s Prankster’s Gambit
|
|||
|
|
Just KNOWING that Slick is going to stab Ms. Paint
|
|||
|
|
Kanaya destroying Cantown
|
|||
|
|
Kanaya Maryam
|
|||
|
|
Kanaya's ashen promiscuity
|
|||
|
|
Kanaya’s chainsaw
|
|||
|
|
Kankri Vantas
|
|||
|
|
Karkat actually topping, for once
|
|||
|
|
Karkat and Jade’s adorable little of mpreg puppies
|
|||
|
|
Karkat dying of a burst blood vessel mid-rant
|
|||
|
|
Karkat going through puberty before every other troll and being, like, nine feet tall
|
|||
|
|
Karkat Tantrum Bingo
|
|||
|
|
Karkat Vantas
|
|||
|
|
Karkat’s ragegasm
|
|||
|
|
Karkat’s tiny, angry looking dick
|
|||
|
|
Kawaii Yaoi
|
|||
|
|
Kurloz Makara
|
|||
|
|
Lame bucket jokes
|
|||
|
|
Latula Pyrope
|
|||
|
|
Laying back and thinking of Alternia
|
|||
|
|
Leprechaun m-preg
|
|||
|
|
Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection. MAIL
|
|||
|
|
Lil' Cal's dead eyes
|
|||
|
|
Lil’ Cal
|
|||
|
|
Lil’ Cal’s raging boner
|
|||
|
|
Lil’ Hal
|
|||
|
|
Lil’ Seb
|
|||
|
|
Little children who poop hard in their baby ass diapers
|
|||
|
|
Lord English
|
|||
|
|
Lord English’s peg leg
|
|||
|
|
Lucky Charms
|
|||
|
|
Maid Equius
|
|||
|
|
Maple Hoof
|
|||
|
|
March Eridan
|
|||
|
|
Masturbating while thinking of your OTP
|
|||
|
|
Masturbating while thinking of your OTP
|
|||
|
|
Maxing out your credit cards to buy Homestuck merchandise
|
|||
|
|
Meenah Piexes
|
|||
|
|
Meulin Leijon
|
|||
|
|
Mierfa Durgas
|
|||
|
|
Mierfa Durgas’ troll-horn nunchakus
|
|||
|
|
Mind honey
|
|||
|
|
Mister Dude, Sir Brah, Dood Dude, Vitamin D, Dude Esquire
|
|||
|
|
Mituna Captor
|
|||
|
|
Mom
|
|||
|
|
MS Paint Adventures
|
|||
|
|
MSPARP
|
|||
|
|
Murdering angels
|
|||
|
|
Muscle beasts
|
|||
|
|
My Little Hoofbeast: Moirailigence Is Magic
|
|||
|
|
Nektan Whelan
|
|||
|
|
Neophyte Redglare
|
|||
|
|
Nepeta Leijon
|
|||
|
|
Nepeta violently mauling people with bad ships
|
|||
|
|
Nepeta’s heat cycle
|
|||
|
|
Nepeta’s shipping chart
|
|||
|
|
Never being able to look at apple juice, milk, buckets, or knitting needles without feeling a little bit uncormfortable
|
|||
|
|
Never dating a Serket
|
|||
|
|
Nic Cage saying \"boner.\"
|
|||
|
|
No homo
|
|||
|
|
Noping the fuck out of there
|
|||
|
|
Not shipping it
|
|||
|
|
Nyehs and wwehs
|
|||
|
|
Only cosplaying male characters when you get pregnant
|
|||
|
|
Overtaking entire conventions
|
|||
|
|
Paint splatters that look like troll cum
|
|||
|
|
PantsKat
|
|||
|
|
Paradox slime
|
|||
|
|
Petstuck
|
|||
|
|
PipeFan413
|
|||
|
|
Plush Rump Magazine
|
|||
|
|
Plush rump
|
|||
|
|
Porrim Maryam
|
|||
|
|
Porrim's condom stash
|
|||
|
|
Porrim’s motherly affections
|
|||
|
|
Post-apocalyptic shroudwear
|
|||
|
|
Problem Sleuth
|
|||
|
|
Recuperacoon
|
|||
|
|
Remembering that awkward time when Karkat called Future arachnidsGrip \"FAG.\"
|
|||
|
|
Rose and Kanaya snuggling
|
|||
|
|
Rose Lalonde
|
|||
|
|
Rose telling John she’s a lesbian and they will never be together
|
|||
|
|
Rose’s review of \"My Immortal.\"
|
|||
|
|
Roxy Lalonde
|
|||
|
|
Rufio
|
|||
|
|
Rufioh Nitram
|
|||
|
|
Sacred leggings
|
|||
|
|
SBAHJ hentai doujinshi
|
|||
|
|
Schrödinger's Nepeta
|
|||
|
|
SCIENCE WAND!
|
|||
|
|
Seadweller dick fins
|
|||
|
|
Selling your soul to Hussie
|
|||
|
|
Shippers
|
|||
|
|
Shipping it
|
|||
|
|
Shipping the fuck out of something
|
|||
|
|
Ships ending in -cest
|
|||
|
|
Shitty swords
|
|||
|
|
Shopping with Terezi
|
|||
|
|
Sick fires
|
|||
|
|
Skipping to Act 5
|
|||
|
|
Sleeping ten people to a room at conventions
|
|||
|
|
Sloppy inter-species makeouts
|
|||
|
|
Smuppets
|
|||
|
|
Sobbing uncontrollably while reading fanfiction
|
|||
|
|
Sollux Captor
|
|||
|
|
Sollux’s bifurcated bone bulge
|
|||
|
|
Sopor pies
|
|||
|
|
SORD
|
|||
|
|
Soul portraits
|
|||
|
|
Species-swap fanfics
|
|||
|
|
Spidermom
|
|||
|
|
Staying up to three AM, cleaning the grey off every surface of your hotel room in a desperate bid to not get fined
|
|||
|
|
Stealing Tavros’s wheelchair
|
|||
|
|
Stridercest
|
|||
|
|
Sugoi Yuri
|
|||
|
|
sweet bro and hell jeff
|
|||
|
|
TAB
|
|||
|
|
Tavros Nitram
|
|||
|
|
Tavros’s wheelchair
|
|||
|
|
Telling Sollux what happens to male bees after sex
|
|||
|
|
Tentabulges
|
|||
|
|
Tentative thank-you stabs
|
|||
|
|
Terezi Pyrope
|
|||
|
|
That dead crow with the sword through it
|
|||
|
|
That human vacation with the giant red chimney-ass-hole
|
|||
|
|
That shitty apple
|
|||
|
|
That wonderful feeling when you take off your binder
|
|||
|
|
The \"special attachments\" we ALL know that Equius gave to AradiaBot
|
|||
|
|
The 7th Gate
|
|||
|
|
The animes
|
|||
|
|
The Condesce’s crotch
|
|||
|
|
The Condesce’s selfies
|
|||
|
|
The Dildo of Oglogoth
|
|||
|
|
The Disciple
|
|||
|
|
The Dolorosa
|
|||
|
|
The E%ecutorgExpatri8 Darkleer
|
|||
|
|
The Exiles
|
|||
|
|
The Felt
|
|||
|
|
The gays
|
|||
|
|
The glory that is BroJohn
|
|||
|
|
The Grand Highblood
|
|||
|
|
The Great Hiatus of 2013
|
|||
|
|
The green sun
|
|||
|
|
The guy who fingered an Ampora
|
|||
|
|
The Handmaid
|
|||
|
|
The hemospectrum
|
|||
|
|
The Hilarocaust
|
|||
|
|
The Homestuck drinking game (do a shot every time someone dies!)
|
|||
|
|
The Insane Clown Posse
|
|||
|
|
The little red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called
|
|||
|
|
The Marquise Spinneret Mindfang
|
|||
|
|
The Mayor
|
|||
|
|
The mere concept of the Olive Garden
|
|||
|
|
The Midnight Crew
|
|||
|
|
The noises Mituna makes during sex
|
|||
|
|
The Orphaner Dualscar
|
|||
|
|
The Psiionic
|
|||
|
|
The ridiculous fact that some people communicate without luminous rear ends
|
|||
|
|
The Shipping Olympics
|
|||
|
|
The significant purposes, biologically speaking, of troll nipples
|
|||
|
|
The slammer
|
|||
|
|
The SufferergThe Signless
|
|||
|
|
The Summoner
|
|||
|
|
The sweat-drenched, rippling muscles of several truly majestically endowed hoofbeasts
|
|||
|
|
The undeniable fact that Gamzee did nothing wrong
|
|||
|
|
The unimaginable amounts of cash Faygo’s been making off of Homestucks
|
|||
|
|
The Wrinklefucker
|
|||
|
|
The Wrinklefucker
|
|||
|
|
Toilet displacement
|
|||
|
|
Topping from the bottom
|
|||
|
|
Triggers
|
|||
|
|
Troll blood
|
|||
|
|
Troll horns
|
|||
|
|
Troll Will Smith
|
|||
|
|
Trolls misunderstanding what \"Bucket List\" means
|
|||
|
|
Tumblr spoilers
|
|||
|
|
Tumblr user Egberts
|
|||
|
|
Tumblr user Pizza
|
|||
|
|
Tumblr
|
|||
|
|
Unreal air
|
|||
|
|
UPD8!!!!!!!!
|
|||
|
|
UPS delivery woman Nepeta
|
|||
|
|
Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer
|
|||
|
|
Violent Blackrom sex
|
|||
|
|
Vodka Mutini
|
|||
|
|
Vodka
|
|||
|
|
Vriska dying after being stabbed by Terezi
|
|||
|
|
Vriska Serket
|
|||
|
|
Vriska’s SEXY sex tips for having SEXY SEX!
|
|||
|
|
Warhammer of Zillyhoo
|
|||
|
|
What pumpkin?
|
|||
|
|
When your favorite character dies
|
|||
|
|
where MAKING THIS HAPEN
|
|||
|
|
Willingly filling buckets with Eridan
|
|||
|
|
Wondering if Meenah has a pitch crush on John, what with the attempted stabbings
|
|||
|
|
World building!
|
|||
|
|
Your 300 pound matronly freight-train
|
|||
|
|
Your lusus giving you \"The Talk.\"
|
|||
|
|
Your Mary Sue fantroll
|
|||
|
|
Your privilege
|
|||
|
|
Your significant other coming home and finding you in full grey cosplay
|
|||
|
|
Making 77 cents on the dollar (unless you're Latina)
|
|||
|
|
Inspirational Dove chocolate wrappers
|
|||
|
|
Masturbating to Ty Pennington
|
|||
|
|
Pretending you'll wear that bridesmaid dress again
|
|||
|
|
Mansplaining
|
|||
|
|
Beyonce thinkpieces
|
|||
|
|
Gabby Giffords' physical therapy
|
|||
|
|
Female genital mutilation
|
|||
|
|
When the tampon's too low and you feel it with every step
|
|||
|
|
A joke too funny for women to understand
|
|||
|
|
Meryl Streep selfies
|
|||
|
|
Hillary bitch-slapping Bill with a frozen tuna
|
|||
|
|
The Bechdel Test
|
|||
|
|
Staph infections from dirty nail salons
|
|||
|
|
Stalking wedding photos on Facebook, weeping softly
|
|||
|
|
Emma Goldman burning the whole motherfucker down
|
|||
|
|
Douches that smell like rain
|
|||
|
|
Rosa Parks' back seat
|
|||
|
|
Engagement photos on train tracks
|
|||
|
|
Choking on the ashes of Gloria Steinem's bras
|
|||
|
|
The cold, hard truth that no lesbian has ever scissored
|
|||
|
|
Doing your kegels at work
|
|||
|
|
Misandry
|
|||
|
|
Abortion Barbie
|
|||
|
|
Telling a street harasser \"You know what? I *will* blow you.\"
|
|||
|
|
Peggy Olson's cutthroat ambitions
|
|||
|
|
A quickie with Rachel Maddow in the green room
|
|||
|
|
Forcefeeding Sheryl Sandberg the pages of Lean In, one by one
|
|||
|
|
Emma Watson, Emma Stone, EMMA THOMPSON BITCHES
|
|||
|
|
Dumpsters overflowing with whimisical save-the-date magnets
|
|||
|
|
The torture chamber where Kathryn Bigelow keeps James Cameron
|
|||
|
|
A detailed vajazzling of Van Goh's Starry Night
|
|||
|
|
STOP MAKING ME PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT YOUR WEDDING PINTEREST DARLA
|
|||
|
|
The Chub Rub
|
|||
|
|
Chin hairs you pretend you don't have
|
|||
|
|
A strongly worded letter to Netflix demanding the addition of \"The Good Wife\"
|
|||
|
|
Doubling up on sports bras
|
|||
|
|
When a dog smells your crotch and you know exactly why
|
|||
|
|
Malala's gunshot wounds
|
|||
|
|
Lactating when a stranger's baby cries on the train
|
|||
|
|
A new cookbook by Sylvia Plath
|
|||
|
|
Crying in the fitting room during bikini season
|
|||
|
|
Eating the entire bag
|
|||
|
|
Scalding hot wax right there on your labia
|
|||
|
|
The G-Spot, the Y-spot, the other spot you made up to confuse your partner
|
|||
|
|
The Golden Girls' never-ending supply of frozen cheesecake
|
|||
|
|
Forcefeeding Sheryl Sandberg the pages of Lean In, one by one
|
|||
|
|
Underboob swet like rancid milk
|
|||
|
|
Wondering whether your girl crush on Hermione constitutes pedophilia
|
|||
|
|
Taking a giant dump on the 18th green at the Augusta National Golf Club
|
|||
|
|
A brown smudge equally likely to be period blood or chocolate
|
|||
|
|
A hand-crocheted Diva Cup case from Etsy
|
|||
|
|
Your gigantic crush on Jenna Lyons
|
|||
|
|
A one-way ticket to Steubenville
|
|||
|
|
A bodice-ripping 4-way with Alexander Skarsgard, Ian Somerhalder, and David Boreanaz
|
|||
|
|
Finger banging Michelle Rodriguez
|
|||
|
|
Princess Aurora maniacally devouring the still-beating heart of Maleficent
|
|||
|
|
A tear stained copy of Reviving Ophelia
|
|||
|
|
A misogynist dystopia set in a not-too-distant WAIT A MINUTE
|
|||
|
|
Dying your hair red like Angela Chase
|
|||
|
|
Daenerys Targaryen's fire-breathing vajayjay
|
|||
|
|
Resentfully clicking like on your boss's vacation photos
|
|||
|
|
Calmly informing your date that you understand the infield fly rule better than he does
|
|||
|
|
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler making out on a pile of Bitch magazines
|
|||
|
|
Only shaving up to the knee
|
|||
|
|
Meredith Grey's slut phase
|
|||
|
|
Shameful childhood memories of envying the wheelchair girl who got all the attention
|
|||
|
|
Sort of wishing the baby on the plane would die
|
|||
|
|
Tenderly dominating Uncle Jesse from behind
|
|||
|
|
Stumbling on David Wright performing as Judy Garland in the East Village
|
|||
|
|
Urinating on yourself to prevent an assault
|
|||
|
|
When a FOX News anchor causally references 'ebonics'
|
|||
|
|
Getting DPed by the Property Brothers on a custom granite countertop
|
|||
|
|
Being compared to a Cathy Cartoon on Metafilter
|
|||
|
|
Kim Kardashian's placenta banh mi
|
|||
|
|
Asking Gilbert Gottfried to do the Iago voice during sex
|
|||
|
|
Watching Bethenny Frankel struggle for life in a churning sea of pre-mixed SkinnyGirl cocktails
|
|||
|
|
An alternate version of the Washington Monument that looks kind of like a vagina
|
|||
|
|
Telling Pacey your innermost secrets in a canoe beneath the Capeside stars
|
|||
|
|
The blue liquid from tampon commercials
|
|||
|
|
Patti Stanger's line of jewelry
|
|||
|
|
#solidarityisforwhitewomen
|
|||
|
|
A candlelight vigil for Nicole Brown Smith
|
|||
|
|
Sexual fantasies involving Mindy Lahiri and a sumptuous coffeecake
|
|||
|
|
Tweeting Cory Booker about that guy walking behind you
|
|||
|
|
A gender neutral, owl-themed baby announcement
|
|||
|
|
Being the only woman at the office-mandated sexual harassment training
|
|||
|
|
Asking Larry Summers increasingly difficult mathematical questions until Bar and Mat Mitzvahs are considered equally important
|
|||
|
|
Cramming Vladimir Putin full of Activia until he poops out Russia's homophobia
|
|||
|
|
Snotsicles
|
|||
|
|
Naked News
|
|||
|
|
Done Cherry's wardrobe
|
|||
|
|
Syrupy sex with a maple tree
|
|||
|
|
Terry Fox's prosthetic leg
|
|||
|
|
Canada: American's hat
|
|||
|
|
Homo milk
|
|||
|
|
Mr. Dressup
|
|||
|
|
The Front de Libération du Québec
|
|||
|
|
Heritage minutes
|
|||
|
|
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police
|
|||
|
|
Stephen Harper
|
|||
|
|
Burning down the White House
|
|||
|
|
Being Canadian
|
|||
|
|
The Famous Five
|
|||
|
|
A Molson muscle
|
|||
|
|
An icy hand job from an Edmonton hooker
|
|||
|
|
Poutine
|
|||
|
|
Schmirler the Curler
|
|||
|
|
The Official Languages Act. La Loi sure les langues officielles
|
|||
|
|
Newfies
|
|||
|
|
The CBC
|
|||
|
|
Graham Greene playing the same First Nations character on every TV show
|
|||
|
|
Killing a moose with your bare hands
|
|||
|
|
tim Hortons
|
|||
|
|
Quintland
|
|||
|
|
Karla Momolka
|
|||
|
|
A depressed tentacle monster
|
|||
|
|
Pussy spiders
|
|||
|
|
The erotic possibilities of duct tape
|
|||
|
|
A starsip powered by orgasms
|
|||
|
|
A vagina dentata
|
|||
|
|
The periodic table of the awesoments
|
|||
|
|
An erotic audio drama, complete with moans and groans
|
|||
|
|
An addictive aerosol aphrodesiac
|
|||
|
|
Debugging nanobot code while hung over
|
|||
|
|
Never being able to touch your lover ever again
|
|||
|
|
Enormous breasts. I mean, seriously, 'how does she even walk' gigantic
|
|||
|
|
The sneaking suspicion that having sex with a theriomorph is actually bestiality
|
|||
|
|
Majoring in mad science
|
|||
|
|
Balticon!
|
|||
|
|
A call on the listener feedback line that turns out to be a wrong number
|
|||
|
|
Penis enlargement that actually works
|
|||
|
|
Dirty Mad Libs
|
|||
|
|
Pregnant sex
|
|||
|
|
A killer corset
|
|||
|
|
Professor Pinkertoot's Bosom Wax
|
|||
|
|
Genderfuckery
|
|||
|
|
Zero gravity sex
|
|||
|
|
Badly translated Latin
|
|||
|
|
Detachable Boobs
|
|||
|
|
Making up for 10 years of shitty parenting with a PlayStation
|
|||
|
|
Giving money and personal information to strangers on the Internet
|
|||
|
|
A magical tablet containing a world of unlimited pornography
|
|||
|
|
These low, low prices!
|
|||
|
|
Piece of shit Christmas cards with no money in them
|
|||
|
|
Moses gargling Jesus\'s balls while Shiva and the Buddha penetrate his divine hand holes
|
|||
|
|
The Hawaiian goddess Kapo and her flying detachable vagina
|
|||
|
|
The shittier, Jewish version of Christmas
|
|||
|
|
Swapping bodies with mom for a day
|
|||
|
|
Finding out that Santa isn't real
|
|||
|
|
Slicing a ham in icy silence
|
|||
|
|
The Grinch\'s musty, cum-stained pelt
|
|||
|
|
Rudolph's bright red balls
|
|||
|
|
Jizzing into Santa\'s beard
|
|||
|
|
Breeding elves for their priceless semen
|
|||
|
|
The royal afterbirth
|
|||
|
|
Congress\'s flaccid penises withering away beneath their suit pants
|
|||
|
|
Having a strong opinion about Obamacare
|
|||
|
|
A simultaneous nightmare and wet dream starring Sigourney Weaver
|
|||
|
|
Being blind and deaf and having no limbs
|
|||
|
|
People with cake in their mouths talking about how good cake is
|
|||
|
|
Sucking the President\'s dick
|
|||
|
|
Sunny D! Alright!
|
|||
|
|
A mulatoo, an albino, a mosquito, and my libido
|
|||
|
|
Log.™
|
|||
|
|
Jerking off to a 10-second RealMedia clip
|
|||
|
|
Deregulating the mortgage market
|
|||
|
|
The Y2K bug
|
|||
|
|
Wearing Nicolas Cage\'s face
|
|||
|
|
Stabbing the shit out a Capri Sun
|
|||
|
|
Kurt Cobain\'s death
|
|||
|
|
Freeing Willy
|
|||
|
|
Liking big butts and not being able to lie about it
|
|||
|
|
The Great Cornholio
|
|||
|
|
Pure Moods, Vol. 1
|
|||
|
|
Yelling \”girl power!\” and doing a high kick
|
|||
|
|
Pamela Anderson\'s boobs running in slow motion
|
|||
|
|
Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper time
|
|||
|
|
Angels interfering in an otherwise fair baseball game
|
|||
|
|
Getting caught up in the CROSSFIRE.™
|
|||
|
|
Patti Mayonnaise
|
|||
|
|
Cool 90s up-in-the-front hair
|
|||
|
|
Several Michael Keatons
|
|||
|
|
A bus that will explode if it goes under 50 miles per hour
|
|||
|
|
The black half of Barack Obama
|
|||
|
|
The white half of Barack Obama
|
|||
|
|
Free ice cream, yo
|
|||
|
|
A face full of horse cum
|
|||
|
|
Getting caught by the police and going to jail
|
|||
|
|
My dead son's baseball glove
|
|||
|
|
Ejaculating live bees and the bees are angry
|
|||
|
|
Western standards of beauty
|
|||
|
|
Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri
|
|||
|
|
Blowjobs for everyone
|
|||
|
|
Blackface
|
|||
|
|
Butt stuff
|
|||
|
|
Some shit-hot guitar licks
|
|||
|
|
Social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion
|
|||
|
|
Deez nuts
|
|||
|
|
An unforgettable quinceañera
|
|||
|
|
September 11th, 2001
|
|||
|
|
Daddy's credit card
|
|||
|
|
A one-way ticket to Gary, Indiana
|
|||
|
|
An uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation
|
|||
|
|
P.F. Change himself
|
|||
|
|
Cutting off a flamingo\'s legs with garden shears
|
|||
|
|
A giant powdery manbaby
|
|||
|
|
Anal fissures like you wouldn\'t believe
|
|||
|
|
Not believing in giraffes
|
|||
|
|
Getting drive-by shot
|
|||
|
|
A team of lawyers
|
|||
|
|
AIDS monkeys
|
|||
|
|
Wearing glasses and sounding smart
|
|||
|
|
Slowly easing down onto a cucumber
|
|||
|
|
A whole new kind of porn
|
|||
|
|
40 acres and a mule
|
|||
|
|
Boring vaginal sex
|
|||
|
|
Genghis Khan\'s DNA
|
|||
|
|
The tiger that killed my father
|
|||
|
|
My boyfriend\'s stupid penis
|
|||
|
|
Changing a person\'s mind with logic and facts
|
|||
|
|
Child support payments
|
|||
|
|
The passage of time
|
|||
|
|
Going to a high school reunion on ketamine
|
|||
|
|
A reason not to commit suicide
|
|||
|
|
Russian super-tuberculosis
|
|||
|
|
A mouthful of potato salad
|
|||
|
|
All these decorative pillows
|
|||
|
|
Figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin
|
|||
|
|
Being worshipped as the one true God
|
|||
|
|
The basic suffering that pervades all of existence
|
|||
|
|
The ghost of Marlon Brando
|
|||
|
|
Out-of-this-world bazongas
|
|||
|
|
Ancient Athenian boy-fucking
|
|||
|
|
A crazy little thing called love
|
|||
|
|
A zero-risk way to make $2,000 from home
|
|||
|
|
Seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes
|
|||
|
|
Being paralyzed from the neck down
|
|||
|
|
Backwards knees
|
|||
|
|
Having been dead for a while
|
|||
|
|
My first period
|
|||
|
|
Vegetarian options
|
|||
|
|
The Abercrombie & Fitch lifestyle
|
|||
|
|
The unbelievable world of mushrooms
|
|||
|
|
Being nine years old
|
|||
|
|
The eight gay warlocks who dictate the rules of fashion
|
|||
|
|
The swim team, all at once
|
|||
|
|
Denzel
|
|||
|
|
Unrelenting genital punishment
|
|||
|
|
Mom\'s new boyfriend
|
|||
|
|
A disappointing salad
|
|||
|
|
A powered exoskeleton
|
|||
|
|
Ennui
|
|||
|
|
Oil!
|
|||
|
|
Giant sperm from outer space
|
|||
|
|
Doing the right stuff to her nipples
|
|||
|
|
Too much cocaine
|
|||
|
|
Seeing things from Hitler\'s perspective
|
|||
|
|
A bass drop so huge it tears the starry vault asunder to reveal the face of God
|
|||
|
|
Growing up chained to a radiator in perpetual darkness
|
|||
|
|
Shitting all over the floor like a bad, bad girl
|
|||
|
|
A buttload of candy
|
|||
|
|
Sucking all the milk out of a yak
|
|||
|
|
Bullets
|
|||
|
|
A man who is so cool that he rides on a motorcycle
|
|||
|
|
Sudden penis loss
|
|||
|
|
Getting all offended
|
|||
|
|
Crying and shitting and eating spaghetti
|
|||
|
|
One unforgettable night of passion
|
|||
|
|
Being popular and good at sports
|
|||
|
|
Filling a man\'s anus with concrete
|
|||
|
|
Two whales fucking the shit out of eachother
|
|||
|
|
Cool, releatable cancer teens
|
|||
|
|
The amount of gay I am
|
|||
|
|
A possible Muslim
|
|||
|
|
Unsheathing my massive horse cock
|
|||
|
|
A bowl of gourds
|
|||
|
|
The male gaze
|
|||
|
|
The power of the Dark Side
|
|||
|
|
Ripping a dog in half
|
|||
|
|
A constant need for validation
|
|||
|
|
Meaningless sex
|
|||
|
|
Such a big boy
|
|||
|
|
Throwing stones at a man until he dies
|
|||
|
|
Cancer
|
|||
|
|
Like a million alligators
|
|||
|
|
Eating together like a god damn family for once
|
|||
|
|
Cute boys
|
|||
|
|
Pussy
|
|||
|
|
Being a terrible mother
|
|||
|
|
Never having sex again
|
|||
|
|
A pizza guy who fucked up
|
|||
|
|
A whole lotta woman
|
|||
|
|
The all-new Nissan Pathfinder with 0.9% APR financing!
|
|||
|
|
A peyote-fueled vision quest
|
|||
|
|
Kale
|
|||
|
|
Breastfeeding a ten year old
|
|||
|
|
Crippling social anxiety
|
|||
|
|
Immortality cream
|
|||
|
|
Texas
|
|||
|
|
Teaching a girl how to handjob the penis
|
|||
|
|
A turd
|
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Shapes and colors
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Whatever you wish, mother
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The haunting stare of an Iraqi child
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Robots who just want to party
|
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A self-microwaving burrito
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Forgetting grandma\'s first name
|
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Our new Buffalo Chicken Dippers®!
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Treasures beyond your wildest dreams
|
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|
Getting shot out of a cannon
|
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The sweet song of sword against and the braying of mighty war beasts
|
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|
Walking into a glass door
|
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|
The color \"puce\"
|
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|
Every ounce of charisma left in Mick Jagger\'s tired body
|
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|
The eighth graders
|
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Setting my balls on fire and cartwheeling to Ohio
|
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|
The dentist
|
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|
Gwyneth Paltrow\'s opinions
|
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|
Turning the rivers red with the blood of infidels
|
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|
Rabies
|
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|
|
Important news about Taylor Swift
|
|||
|
|
Ejaculating inside another man\'s wife
|
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|
|
Owls, the perfect predator
|
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|
|
Being John Malkovich
|
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|
|
Bathing in moonsblood and dancing around the ancient oak
|
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|
|
An oppressed people with a vibrant culture
|
|||
|
|
An overwhelming variety of cheeses
|
|||
|
|
Reading the entire End-User License Agreement
|
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|
|
Morpheus
|
|||
|
|
Peeing into a girl\'s butt to make a baby
|
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|
|
Generally having no idea of what\'s going on
|
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|
|
No longer finding any Cards Against Humanity card funny
|